This post is dedicated to penises, peni..? peniseses? Ok first I need to figure out the plural for penis I guess. This post is also dedicated to Mike Skira and Ryan in case they have any doubts that Americans are oversexed barbarians roaming around until they find a piece to drag back to their cave with them. (No no I know that SOME of us arent that bad, but I am, and I can only speak for myself, and a few friends who dont know what the net is yet)
I really just want to sort of 'celebrate' the diversity of penis and the owners of them. I wanted to make some things Ive noticed over the years apparent and common knowledge for others who may be seeking out information on the never elusive penis. If this is wrong, well then its not really wrong, it just wasnt your penis I was gaping at. Deal with it and let me fantasize. I am going to use the word Peni, to indicate plural peniseses, because it sounds cool to me.
This article will describe the many different types of Peni along with their corresponding personality types from MY experience.
Bent mid Penis types of Peni - The owner of the bent penis is normally extroverted moreso then any other types of peni. This type of penis (in its aroused state) stands at full attention... except for at the bend. Around mid penis, regardless of length, it has its own angle. Not a horrific angle, not like 90 degrees or anything.... just .. bent. Kind of like the leaning tower of peni... pisa. The owners of these types of peni are the life of parties, the quickest to suggest strip poker, or hell, just the quickest to strip and force everyone into watching them in all their bent glory. They are also the proudest of peni owners and the quickest to produce them at parties should a warning go up that is 'calling all peni'.
Proud Curve Peni - The proud curve peni is magnificent in all its beauty. It stands proudly, just not quite straight. It is the penis that slightly curves back towards its owner, which is one and the same with curving into all the right places once placed where it truly feels at home. Be cautious though of the owner of such proud and perfectly shaped peni. They harbor issues, perhaps not serious ones, but issues nonetheless that can be hidden behind the glory of the peni they own. While you are admiring the penis, they may be admiring new ways to suck you in to believing they are completely normal guys with great shaped peni.
The Hidden Penis - These peni are also to be appreciated... by someone. They might not have any special curves, or a beautiful countenance, but they are worthy peni just the same. Although this type of peni tends to retract, fully, inside of the body when not aroused, they can illicit a 'ooooh, ahhhh' type of response when reaching arousal. "oooooh - there it is!" "ahhh, we just might have a game after all folks!" Most men with the hidden penis are great guys, kind, good hearted and always willing to help a friend in need. They are concerned with the feelings of everyone around them, and go out of their way, sometimes subjecting themselves to pain, just to ease the suffering of another.
The "normal" penis - Well thank the heavens for the "normal" penis owner. Without them even the other peni might get a little boring. Most owners of the "normal" penis are in fact, quite normal. With one exception. They are almost always the guys who stand around, hands on hips, in Super Hero position proclaiming for the world that they in fact, have the largest penis known to man. Of course its not true, but its oh so entertaining. They are introverted at all the right times, and extroverted when given alcholic drinks. Even all the bragging about the worlds largest penis residing in their pants is just in good fun. Usually they calm down before the end of the night and admit to being just "normal" sized.
Good Lord Gargantuan - Ok these guys really blow me away. I have never seen the owner of a Gargantuan show any indication of having a third arm in their pants. They are confident, yes, but do not brag. In fact, you MAY know the owner of a Gargantuan, and just not know it. They fairly ooze sexuality, and tend to have an aura about them that just makes you want to screw, even if you arent sure why. They can be heard to utter "Dear god, its a curse" or "Dont tell your friends... please" when in the company of a close female friend. But if you are waiting for them to just stand on your kitchen table and go "Hey ladies, check this out" before they release the gargantuan and put a hole in your kitchen table... this aint gonna happen. The owners of Gargantuans are private people. Why? For fucks sake I have no idea. If they only knew.... or... maybe they do.
I had an odd experience with a Gargantuan. I had a friend for about 10 years, one night in my car I hear this thumping noise. And I assume he is just beating the inside of my car door with his fist. So, I glance over....... DEAR GOD WTF IS THAT? It was damned near 14 inches long and came real close to being the size of one of my own arms.....I was gasping, and laughing, when I said... jesus dave, where the fuck did you get that? Its mine, was his reply. Well I know that... but I mean, how come Ive known you for ten years and never knew you had gear like that???? The response...."Oh, I dunno, just never thought to show you I guess" That is the Gargantuan personality to the dime.