Friday, July 15, 2005

They Misunderestimate Me! Part II

Ok, so if part I wasnt enough to disgust you, with all the proof of the oil piracy/dynasty of the Bush family tree, then perhaps this will help.

Yes, he throws like a pansy.

And if thats not enough then perhaps this will do.

If that doesnt lend some very good proof to the evolution theories, then you are indeed hopeless, and its a miracle you can even read this.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Public Service Messages

Check out my flickr album for more of these if you need a good laugh.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Some thoughts on Intelligence

One of the indictments of civilizations is that happiness and intelligence are so rarely found in the same person.
William Feather (1908 - 1976)

To believe in God or in a guiding force because someone tells you to is the height of stupidity. We are given senses to receive our information within. With our own eyes we see, and with our own skin we feel. With our intelligence, it is intended that we understand. But each person must puzzle it out for himself or herself.
Sophy Burnham

So it is that the gods do not give all men gifts of grace - neither good looks nor intelligence nor eloquence.
Homer (800 BC - 700 BC)

Do not fight verbosity with words: speech is given to all, intelligence to few.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Like a kid

I was wandering around a couple weeks back when a friend of mine made an odd comment to me. He was slightly annoyed with me and Im sure he meant it to be an insult. The conversation ensued after most of us had drank at least 6 beers or so. There was loud music playing, weird shit cooking on the grill and people just in general staggering around. I was reaching into the back of my truck for some clothes when an old friend came to the back of the truck and grabbed my legs and proceeded to jerk me out of the truck and onto my face. I kind of flew backwards. Im guessing from their point of view I kind of resembled a red-headed demon backwards flying superman... er supergirl... fuck it Im not the feminist type... superman. As I landed on my chest in the grass I flipped over to find my old friend standing over me, laughing. Leeroy. Ok Leeroy is a real sweetheart. Ive known him for years. The only person I know of sweeter then Leeroy is his wife whom Ive also known for years. And Im just laying there stunned because its like Ive just been jerked onto my face by Mr. Rogers himself. So I jumped up and extended myself to my full intimidating height of five foot three and looked down at Leeroy. Yes I said looked down. So being confused and drunk and slightly amused I questioned Leeroy. Things were going good until he made 'the comment'.

Me: Leeroy, what the fuck?
Leeroy: Hey gurl, hows it going, havent seen ya in a while.
Me: Lee, you cant do that shit, just go around jerking women to the ground.
Leeroy: Uhh, well, yer legs was sticking out.
Me: Lee, you cant grab stuff just because its sticking out.
Leeroy: (looks confused)
Me: Ok let me clarify. You cant grab stuff thats sticking out if its not on your body.
Leeroy: Oooh, I get it. A pause then, 'GIT 'ER DONE.'
Me: Thats it you bastard its on.

So I launched onto Leeroy,normal forward flying superman style this time. And we roll down the hill, wrestling around. (aka as wrassling around here) We were having a good ol' drunken redneck time until I was lifted off the ground by another friend Ive known since I was 12. Feet dangling and out of breath I couldnt stop laughing.

Friend: Jesus christ you two stop killing each other the food is almost done. At least eat first.
Me: We were just playing man.
Friend: Oh.
Me: Why did you pull me off of him instead of pulling him off of me.
Friend: Cuz you are bigger.
Me: What? Nevermind it, put me down.
Friend: No!

About that time we hear a girlish sounding screech followed by again 'GIT 'ER DONE'.
And again, Leeroy jerks me by my feet and this time I land on my back. So I jumped up in what could best be described as a 'neck cartwheel' and begin pounding on Leeroy once again. The last thing I remember was our friend cursing at us. We both stopped wrestling long enough to look up and see a look of disgust on his face.

"You two are no better then a couple of fucking kids"

Leeroy looks at me. I look at Leeroy. We both look back at our friend.


Me: Thats it, Im going to kill you.

Ive got to stop this kind of shit soon. I think I broke something important.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

They Misunderestimate Me! Part I

Ok I know this will offend some people but please try to understand that it is written with passion. Dont mistake my passion for patriotism either. Of course I like my country. And of course I realize how much better my life as a woman is because I was born here instead of a country where women are treated in a less savory manner then they are here. I am only further disgusted because as I heard of the terrorist attacks on London I was shaken, only to come home and see all but a defiant smirk on Bush's face standing behind Blair while he gave his speech from the G8's. He is smirking as if he is saying "I told you so" to the world, to Britain in particular. Yes I told you so! I told you it was a good idea to bomb Iraq. Because they... well they have bombs right? And because if we bomb Iraq it will prove to other countries that we will not tolerate terrorism. As I said, dont mistake my passion for ignorance. I want to show you ignorance.

Society at large used to condemn pirates. Because in essence when an entire country said "No, we will not sell you our shit, because we dont like you!"
Well, the pirates didnt comply. No, indeed, they outright laid low, waited for a passing ship carrying the goods they wanted to sell, and then they jacked it. Yep, piracy was basically a jacking. Like car jacking, except it wasnt cars they were stealing, it was horribly dangerous items such as pepper or nutmeg. Now why would they steal shit like that? Well, it was a business to them. They were responsible for providing their goods to countries who couldnt retrieve them so easily themselves.

Here ya go. Lets try this sentance on for size.

"Argh maties, I only want to get the nutmeg that is coming to me. Because Tortuga will pay me enough money for that nutmeg so that I may sit on my haunches for the rest of my life in Parrot Bay doing nothing but living a leisurely life. And if they wont give me the nutmeg, then Ill kill them and take it!"

Ok, please replace nutmeg with the word oil. And Tortuga with... well any Arabic country that contains large oil reserves, as well as replacing Parrot Bay with Texas/Washington D.C.. and finally you will fully understand the above picture.

Moving on.

Am I wrong or did we come to this country, the poor and weary, rape, steal then kill the natives so that we could be free of religious persecution? Ok perhaps everything I learned was just total bullshit. But Im tired of this fucking country voting for God and Money. God isnt running, and we are running out of money. We the people that is. The President impoverishes us while his pockets grow fat on the dead bodies of our armed services.

WAIT! Dont get me wrong here. I support our troops fully. As a matter of fact it was only months ago that I considered signing up for the navy. Because I believe in fighting and dying for a cause. My cause, the cause of freedom. I do believe that a miniscule part of this "war" is being fought in the name of freedom. Every man and woman fighting in Iraq is fighting for our freedom. Thats me, thats you, thats them. Bush isnt fighting for our freedom. I cant believe the American people, after watching a couple centuries of religious tirades kill our men and women, will still vote for someone just because he is waving the eternal God banner. Maybe there is an 11th commandment I missed. Perhaps it goes somewhat like this.

11. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors oil. Unless your own oil only has 250 years worth on reserve and you are worried that your daddy might not approve of your reign unless you go steal some more.

Fuck that shit. And on my life if I hear about Jeb being urged to run for a term after his brother finishes destroying the country, I will go stark raving mad. Because of course we would want a man for President who now sits in a state that is still partially destroyed by LAST YEARS hurricanes to run this whole fucking scene. Sadly this reminds me of the state of the corporate world in this country. Every man and woman who works in this country can attest to ONE THING. The losers, the lackwits and the lazy get the biggest best and quickest promotions. The honest and loyal regularly get a good thorough fucking. Not the feel good kind either.

So while we sit and support this puppet in his oil endeavors I want to make one thing clear. We always want to sit and say, "Well, look how people came together during 9/11. Thats what this country is made of!!"

Thats the speech that Bush has relied on for years now. But let me make something clear. This is NOT an American only sentiment. Lets say I was traveling in a country I like less...Hmm...just for the sake of arguement lets call it Irate. Im walking through Irate one day, on vacation, minding my own business when I see some shit blow up. Pouring out of the blown up building I see women and children. Oh no, do I stop to consider... hmm... wait, this isnt MY COUNTRY..... I will let those infidels fend for themselves. No, human nature kicks in, and pushes me towards the flames to save OTHER HUMANS. I dont care what country they come from. I am human, when I see other humans in need, I TRY to help as best I can.

Moving on.

Now wait. I know all you right wing/Christian/Masochistic folks are going... "But we didnt want to vote for the lesser of two evils. We didnt want to vote another blowjob getting democrat into the office. So we chose Bush, because hes a good wholesome christian man who values his wife, and his country."

Shut the fuck up. Just because someone doesnt get caught at something doesnt mean they arent doing it. Clinton was a bit sloppy I agree. But if the worse thing he did was kill a couple people who got in his way, and recieve a blowjob from an intern while serving his term, then lie to his wife about it... all I can say is two things...'OMG HES A MAN' and "Dear Lord!! I see the word JOB in that phrase." Something I havent had since Mr. Bush was elected years ago. And besides that, need I start naming names of other very highly esteemed past presidents who had an affection for the ladies? Or even an affection for little boys? Hell, what about an affection for wearing womens clothing? I thought not!

To wrap up Part I of the "They Misunderestimate Me!" portfolio. I leave you with some Bush words of wisdom.

"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

"After all, Europe is America's closest ally." —George W. Bush, Mainz, Germany, Feb. 23, 2005.

"I was a prisoner too, but for bad reasons." —George W. Bush, to Argentine President Nestor Kirchner, on being told that all but one of the Argentine delegates to a summit meeting were imprisoned during the military dictatorship, Monterrey, Mexico, Jan. 13, 2004

"I'm also mindful that man should never try to put words in God's mouth. I mean, we should never ascribe natural disasters or anything else to God. We are in no way, shape, or form should a human being, play God." —George W. Bush, ABC's 20/20, Washington D.C., Jan. 14, 2005

"I want to appreciate those of you who wear our nation's uniform for your sacrifice." —George W. Bush, Jacksonville, Fla., Jan. 14, 2005

"I have a record in office, as well. And all Americans have seen that record. September the 4th, 2001, I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It's a day I will never forget." —George W. Bush, Marlton, New Jersey, Oct. 18, 2004

"The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off." —George W. Bush, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'" —George W. Bush, Beaverton, Oregon, Aug. 13, 2004

Finally, he figured out that none of us in our right fucking mind can understand a blasted thing he says.


I mean, damn.

No connection really sucks. My dsl was murdered. Im stuck in bfe again but have been missing the hell out of everyone.

I was just thinking that I live the sort of lifestyle where if I actually was to get lost, get whacked on the head, and get amnesia.. it would be at least 2 months before most people around here realized I was gone.

I guess I need to get some kind of lifeline, or just change lifestyles.

Hah, changing lifestyles..... ok nm that.. so Im likely to send out a few emails this week to a few very close net/blogger friends with a number in it they can contact me at. Besides just wanting a lifeline to the responsible adult world, I dont want to miss them either.

Ill be around a bit this week and would like to hear from some people, feel free to send me an email or IM if you want me to keep in contact with you somehow until I get a lousy dial up connection again or something.

On a lighter note, The Sims 2 have kept me sane for the last 2 months. The Xanax household is doing great. They are just bored as hell... might explain why they currently have 13 kids.