Friday, April 27, 2007

Hold UP

I was messing around taking the big purity test, the 500 question one when this one just jumped out at me.

.........performed oral sex on yourself? (Yes, this is possible for most males, and even for some females.)

What in the HELL? Why isnt there like 400 numbers in my business section of my phone book that has a list of people who can teach you this?


Friday, April 20, 2007

What could we be missing? Va Tech Hokies

Do you ever stop to think about how one persons actions can affect the entire earth? Ever sit and ponder how two people passing by each other instead of stopping to talk could have just missed the love of their lives? Do you ever wonder if the boy you knew that died very young would have grown up, married and fathered the next President of the United States? Do you ever get a weird feeling that if you just wait ten more seconds to leave home for that trip downtown that you will be safe?

I know more then most, that to remember is to Honor. But we try to remember their lives, not their deaths. Their deaths took up very little time in the path of their lives.

We Will Remember
April 16th 2007

Ross Abdallah Alameddine
Christopher James Bishop
Brian Roy Bluhm
Ryan Christopher Clark
Austin Michelle Cloyd
Jocelyne Couture-Nowak
Kevin P. Granata
Matthew Gregory Gwaltney
Caitlin Millar Hammaren
Jeremy Michael Herbstritt
Rachael Elizabeth Hill
Emily Jane Hilscher
Jarrett Lee Lane
Matthew Joseph La Porte
Henry J. Lee
Liviu Librescu
G.V. Loganathan
Partahi Mamora Halomoan Lumbantoruan
Lauren Ashley McCain
Daniel Patrick O'Neil
Juan Ramon Ortiz-Ortiz
Minal Hiralal Panchal
Daniel AlejandroPerez-Cueva
Erin Nicole Peterson
Michael Steven Pohle, Jr.
Julia Kathleen Pryde
Mary Karen Read
Reema Joseph Samaha
Waleed Mohamed Shaalan
Leslie Geraldine Sherman
Maxine Shelly Turner
Nicole White

I also send love to those who are suffering today. A song I feel so drawn to just wont leave my heart today. I think its oddly perfect for those who are living through this tragedy.

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
I'm more than a bird:I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd:but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed:but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away:away from me
It's all right:You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy:or anything:
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
It's not easy to be me.

Chastity Frye - A Mass Murderers Whore

I have no idea why this made the news last night. But I was watching the news and of ALL people I look up and see Chastity on the screen. Chastity is the mother of a friend of mines son. She all but abandoned him early on. This boy is now 12 years old. I cant imagine how he felt seeing his mother on TV announcing that she had been called by her 'escort' service to meet that Murderer in a motel room in Roanoke a week before he killed all those at Tech. I refuse to name the murderer because he doesnt deserve a name. But I am so insanely fucking enraged at the local news coverage of this whores story.

WSLS Channel 10, BAD JOB, BAD FUCKING JOB. You should have spent those 5 minutes telling us what one of those students at Tech was doing last month, instead of telling us how Chastity who got 160 dollars for 'dancing' for him was shocked and called him a weirdo. HELLO POT MEET KETTLE. A notorious slut and a mother who has abandoned 2 children gets news coverage for fucking a mass murderer? What the fuck were you thinking?

Buy My Book!

No seriously, I am still in shock over the massacre at Va Tech on Monday morning. It took me a lot of years to understand how to get over this. So I am about to call the Va Tech and ask them if I can send them an E-Copy to be distributed to some of the parents and children who have been affected by this tragedy. I am also working on a link from amazon to get this on my page.

All my well wishes go those who are suffering from their losses.


Friday, April 06, 2007

Im just not happy

I dont think most people realize that happiness isnt a lifelong occurance. Yes, believe it or not even the rich and famous cant achieve total eternal happiness. So, in the name of learning lessons and realizing how to leech every second of happiness that you can out of life I want to post a quote from one my favorite comedians. Yeah, this is sadly the absolute truth. Once you realize the depth of this quote, you might know what to do to gain the happiness we all search for.

"Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette butt, or a chocolate chip cookie or a five second orgasm. You come, you smoke the butt you eat the cookie you go to sleep wake up and go back to fucking work the next morning, THAT'S IT! End of fucking list!"

Denis Leary

Put your pants on

A good story from my childhood that I will never forget.

I was about 13 at the time, my best friend Cat was all but living with me during this time. It was great really. My parents who never really LET me do much, would let her stay quite often. One night REAL late at night Cat and I were 'partying' out in front of my house with my other friends and I had carried the portable phone with me. I was 14... so 1988, that 'portable' phone piece probably weighed at least 2 lbs back then. But I was standing there being an unruly teenager with my friends when it rang. Now you have to understand, my parents, they never did shit wrong. Hell, from what I gathered from them growing up they were born, morphed immedately into adults and began working 50 to 80 hour work weeks to support themselves. So doing anything remotely out of line or off, was just out of the question. The phone rang.

This is the Roanoke County Police Department, may I speak to Mrs. Basham?
Uh, shes not home right now. I am Mrs. Bashams daughter. Anything I can help with?
(Im pretty freaked out at this time, freaked out enough I had to hold the phone down and tell my partying friends)
The cop replies, Oh Miss, how old are you?
Im 13, is everything ok? Is this about my Dad?? Is he okay???
Umm, okay sure, yeah he is okay. Do me a favor, can you find someone who can come pick him up?
Pick him up??
Yes, we uh, we have him behind the old DMV building. Tell the person who comes to pick him up to bring a pair of pants, he isnt wearing any.
He isnt wearing pants?
No, no pants.
Uh, jesus, okay.


Okay so here is where Fate intervenes and Kismet gets to meet my Dad face to face. I am standing there with my friends going omfg, who can I get to pick up my dad that wont narc him out to my mom. That leaves both of my sisters out. Hmm, I dont know any of his work friends numbers. So HRM, well that leaves one person. M, m is my sisters husband who had just declared a few months before this incident that he was gay and thus making himself the target of my fathers judgemental wrath.

Joy? Is that you? Whats going on? Is everything ok?
(M sounds concerned because well, Ive never actually called to talk to him)
Do you need to talk to C? Shes not here right now.
No, I need your help, not C, dont tell C no matter what. I need you to come by here and get a pair of pants and take them to behind the DMV on Peters Creek Road and pick up Daddy.
Pick up Don? Pants? Why would I need pants? Ive got pants on.
He doesnt have pants on.
Don isnt wearing pants? Why did he go out without wearing pants?
When I last seen him, he had pants on. We are talking about Daddy, he wouldnt run outside during the apocolypse without pants on.
Yeah okay thats probably true.
Look I dont know wtf is going on M just come get the pants and go get Daddy before Momma gets home. I dont even know where she went. Church I think.
Okay okay, Im on my way. Hes probably not going to like it that I picked him up.
Not right now he wont but tomorrow he will be greatful.

So M comes and gets the pants and picks up Dad, who is given a police escort home. (Good lord this is 1988 not 1958 and hes wasted drunk getting an escort home instead of a DUI)
And Im thinking wow, that must have been hard for him. Sitting there drunk, wondering where his pants were, only to see my gay brother-in-law show up to pick him up. Yes, my father is the stereotypical male, if there is a gay man anywhere near him of COURSE the guy has to want him. So Im quite sure my dad is near to enraged when he sees M show up. Kismet, I want you to meet my Dad Don, Don, I'd like you to meet Kismet. In the next few years you two are going to be VERY close friends.

So out in the street Cat and I wait for the police and M to come up the road and when we see them coming we immedately dart across the street and run into the living room. Where sure as hell, here comes my dad marching through the Dining room, carrying his pants (I guess he didnt want to put them on?) wearing his tighty whiteys and Cat and I just let our jaws hit the floor. Oh we both wanted to laugh, but we were as silent as mice. As he is walking by he extends his arm so that his finger is REALLY close to my face and growls out "You! Go the hell home." And he walked on by and almost immediately, before I had even recovered enough to move an inch, I can hear him snoring away.

I looked over at Cat, she looked at me and we are torn between snickering right on the spot or running outside to tell our friends what happened, when an idea struck me.

"Lets steal his beer" I said.
"Okay" she said
"Probably he wont even remember he had beer right?"
"Probably not"

He did remember by the way.