Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Salt Water Taffy Last Forever

Apparently it also has lasting emotional effects. I was talking to my son on Xmas day and he made this comment.

"I dont really remember much about being little. All I remember was that time you caught me with the candy."


What candy? I asked.

"I dont know, salt candy? Thats all I remember. That and being scared for my life. You just knew I had it and I was sure I hadnt made any noise getting it"

Back goes my mental file log. Waaaay back to around 1994 where I remember a friend giving me a box of salt water taffy. I recall putting it in the fridge even though her first comment was about how that shit last forever and never rots or loses flavor.

I was sitting in my apartment sewing a button back on a pair of his pants when he came running in from outside. He was either 5 or 6 at the time. I didnt hear him get the candy from the fridge which is amazing because I have nearly sonic hearing abilities. What busted him out was the look on his face. When he was headed for the front door I glanced over at him and he had the look about him as if he was expecting something to split my head open and crawl out of my cranium. When I looked at him he stopped moving. Just stood there frozen like a deer in headlights. I looked down, he took a step. I looked back up he stopped again.

"Ok, what the hell do you have in your pockets?" Most 5 year olds dont even recognize pockets on their pants, yet this childs hands were in his pockets up to his elbows.

Suddenly he looked like a kid on his first rollar coaster ride heading down the first hill. Eyes huge n all. I could hear a faint strangling noise as if he was about to scream.

"Cough it up, put it on the table"

Onto the table was dumped at least half of the box of salt water taffy. (Damn big ass pockets on kids pants these days)

Snickering I remember telling him "Oh yea I would have never noticed 30 pieces missing"

I made him leave the candy and then about a half hour later I took the same candy out to him on the playground. I didnt mind him having it, it was the point of him thinking he could slip by me with something.

Until recently I thought I still had to hide the deviant parts of my personality from him. Now, for one, I think he reads my blog. And 2, I raised him I suppose, so he has to be mentally as tough as nails. Then of all things he brings me a movie last week and tells me to check it out. Its called 28 days later. About 30 minutes into it I decided that he is far more deviant then I. So who is learning from who these days?

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Your Blogging Type is Kind and Harmonious

You're an approachable blogger who tends to have many online friends.

People new to your blogging circle know they can count on you for support.

You tend to mediate fighting and drama. You set a cooperative tone.

You have a great eye for design - and your blog tends to be the best looking on the block!

Lights, Camera....

I finally got a digital camera that is worth a fuck. I will be taking some photos of various things to post on my site. So far all I could get was a friend who got his finger stuck in his nose trying to pose for me. (I didnt tell him to stick it up there that far and for fucks sake hes like 35 years old) I plan on getting a pic of the hideously dirty lumina before I wash it. I may even get my good old friend Bobby to show his ass at the next party we go to so I can get some pics. Bobby is one of those guys who likes to take his clothes off and run amok. Bad on the eyes perhaps, but great photo op!

Incoming remotely perverted and demented photography!

Friday, December 16, 2005

Canadian Love

Get the cows and cheese out guys....

To WoW or to EQ, that tis the question!

Ok in a couple of more months I am going to be done with my book, it should be in production by then which will give me even more free time then I already have. So now I have to feed my ravenous mmorpg needs again. I could return to EQ where I am as much hated as I am loved after having spent 5 years as a guild leader on Solusek Ro (Now Bristlebane server) and return to my level 66 shaman who is mostly naked except the no drop raid gear she has on. OR

I can head to Lothar server on Wow where my nephew runs the largest guild on the server and I have a newly made level 11 Undead priest there.

So on either game I am surrounded by old friends and family and on either game I am basically gimp and have to bust my ass to catch up. On one game I am nobody special and can likely enjoy playing the actual game instead of being the leader who I personally know sacrifices entertainment for the sake of others, on the other game I have about 200 people who love me and the rest of the server likes to call me things like 'Yelling bitch' or 'Nazi'. Sadly it has boiled down to this for me....

Everquest - Mucho load times, lot of raid wiping
Wow- No loading, quick n easy corpse recovery and WOWIE, very little lag!

Damn, wow is tilting the scales... I guess Ill have to play a little of both.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Oh and by the fuckin way


In order to share the love I have to share the secret. I am making this post for those not as fortunate as I who have sparks coverage in their state or country. If you are one of the folks who are deprived of 'Orange Love' (you poor bastards) please visit this site and demand that sparks be brought to a retailer near you.


Otherwise, crack open your freshly purchased sparks and sit a spell.

I started drinking back in '85. Sure I was only 12 but at the time a great flood hit my city. The crips helped me steal a phat hoopty just days before and then this ....

So to get over the depression I called my peeps and told them we was gonna have a game of football to ease the pain of my loss but when we got to the stadium it looked like this.

God I was pissed the fuck off.

So I head back home to grab my dog and my cooler full of late 80's type beers like pabst blue ribbon and schaffers lite and my bloody dog was gone. They called it a 'rescue'.

Fuckin do gooders annoy me. So I give up on the dog and head out to the back yard to find my cooler and find this shit. Some random asshole screwing one of my trees up and my damn cooler floating downstream.

I didnt want to have to relive all these horrid memories but the fact is that this year Roanoke is 'celebrating' the 20 year anniversary of The Great Flood of 85. So its their faults for traumatizing me once again.
So tonight I celebrate in my own fashion by kicking back with a cold one or 6 O these

And I just offer up a prayer to the gods of Energy beers that I dont in anyway resemble this guy by the end of the night.

Everythings so blurry and everyones so fake....

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Chest Pains

Sometimes they hurt so bad I almost wish Id go ahead and have a fuckin heart attack.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Cover Me Pre-Production

My book is now in the pre-production stage! Immediately following pre-production the publisher will send out what are basically flyers that advertise the book, its release date and all of my personal fantasies and fetishes. Ok, the last part isn't true but it sounded fun for a second. Íf you would like to receive this notice of production which should include where you can get the book and when, as well as a tad of personal information on me, then please email me your name and full mailing address and I will ad you to the marketing list.

Now for the real ball busting part. I have until November 8th to submit the final manuscript in full as well as take care of all the information that goes along with the book. Acknowledgements, synopsis etc. It's almost like being in college again, except this time I am getting paid and no one will be harrassing me 10 years from now about loans I can barely remember getting.


Monday, October 24, 2005


I finally found a temporary position to pay some bills with while I await the slow process of having the book published.

The really great part about the book is the opportunities for permanent employment the books advertising and marketing may provide me with!

Soon PublishAmerica will place an ad in our local paper. I'd be more then ecstatic to get a writing job offer because of it! We will see. Until then I am lurking here while I work!

Sunday, October 23, 2005

There is nothing to fear but...

realizing that the people you went to school with are now in control of the U.S.A.

I always think whenever I get on a plane that the people who are fueling the plane, fixing the engines and basically running the world now are the same goofy fuckers that walked around highschool with their flys down and toilet paper hanging off their feet. You may have seen these before but they are hilarious, and scary at the same time. These are reported Air Force 'Squawks'. These are the things that get reported and the solutions to the problems. Reading these just makes me wonder what might be going on in other places.

(P) Problem reported
(S) Solution

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

(P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
(S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

(P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) # 2 propeller seepage normal - # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.

(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on order.

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problems on ground.

(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
(S) That's what they're there for.

(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Suspected crack in windshield.
(S) Suspect you're right.

(P) Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
(S) Took hammer away from midget

(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right," and be serious.

(P) Target Radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words

jesus christ...

Monday, October 17, 2005

Cover Me - Dedication

When my publisher told me I could make a dedication I decided I would make a somewhat obscure one. It is hard to dedicate all that work to one person. It was a lot of people who inspired me to write those things down and send them to a company. So here it is, before the book is even printed, my personal dedication to the closest of my blogger friends who still keep up with me even when I disappear for a while. :)

When I was low, you lifted me up. When I felt like crying, you made me smile. When I wanted to be enraged, you showed me how much better peace felt. When I wanted to keep it all to myself, the endurance of our friendship showed me why I had to write it down. I hope one day you will understand how much your presence in my life has meant to me. I hope that day is today.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Eddie the Fearless Pit Bull Terrier

For my sons 16th birthday I wanted to get him something that would last a while. He is kind of at the age to be able to handle responsibilites that he couldnt before. So, I bought him a purebred American Pit Bull Terrier. I did NOT buy the dog because of the hype about vicious dogs, I actually bought it for the opposite reason, because in my opinion and experience, domestic animals are what you make of them. So maybe it is my fault entirely that I now have a pit bull puppy in my house that is

1. Scared to death to be alone for a split second.
2. Unable to sleep unless it is in a humans ass area.
3. Eats rocks, glass and chesnuts like they are candy.
4. Uses his paws like hands to cover his eyes when I begin acting insane and running around the house.
5. Is scared of cats.

I dont mean when he sees a cat he looks at it curiously and runs away. I mean he sees a cat and screams and cries until he is rescued by me or my son.

On top of that my son named him Eddie which I found stupid. That is until I realized that his canine friends in the neighborhood are named Frank and Sherman. WTF is with people giving animals people names. It just seems silly. What the hell is wrong with Hercules or Chronos!? Those are good strong names that people couldnt get away with using. The worst part is a good friend of mine is named Eddie. He is a short little flirty mexican guy I know that sounds pretty much like Ren.
Now every time I go outside to call for our dog, I'm always scared a perverted mexican guy is going to come running at me from around the corner.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Damn Spam!

Because of the damn comment spammers I have had to turn on the verification on the blogs. Isn't comment spam like being virtually molested or something? It just feels dirty..

No means No!

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Yay Me~

American Publishers has accepted my manuscript and will be publishing my book as soon as I sign the contract. When the book is complete and in its published form I am sure I will be able to send a few copies to some of my closest and favorite blogger friends. Until them I am still virtually netless and missing you all immensely.
I cant wait to get this published and a few copies sold but for right now I have a big foot in the door. Pretty soon you will be able to go to http://www.publishamerica.com/ and do a search for the book which is so far going to be called Cover Me (because they made me change the name from something I had settled on long ago) by Joy Lynskey!

Ohh I cant wait, all the good luck wishes must have helped. And once I get going on this, of couse Ill have some superfast mega humongous light speed connection in which I can return here to eternally harrass you all.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Wish me big heaping wads of gooey luck!

I have finally gone n done it. Just a few short minutes ago I submitted my manuscript to a publishing company per their request. Its not my preferred genre but it would certainly do as a nice boost to get me writing more professionally. Originally I had planned to write about a wacky off beat pack of bloggers who struggle through their own trials and tribulations to sort out the evil in the world, mainly the evil just consisted of a couple of young canadian men and a guy who rides trashbins in the streets, but then I gave it more thought and figured that a book on dealing with the grief of losing loved ones was something that I had a bit more years of experience in.


Yes. I prefer my luck gooey, it has far more sustanance then the regular ole dry or solid luck. And it sticks to you.

Monday, September 05, 2005

I am around!

I am around but still searching for work. Just not as much time to sneak off to the internet so often. I still read here as often as I can. But GOOD NEWS!! I will have my very own, if slow, crawl up connection within a month or so!

On the downside, my son now has a girlfriend. The downside being, OMG I feel so old. Fawk.

What is worse is that I really like her. I always wanted to be able to hate my sons first girlfriend. Damn me.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Dedicated Devastation

What an asshole.

Mr. Bush said today in a press conference that the dedicated people of New Orleans needed the help of all Americans.

He meant to say devastated.

What a dick.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Hippy Music and Blackouts!

I recently went with a few friends to see the Allman Brothers in Northern Va. It was a 5 hour trip. Here is what I remember from the entire ordeal.

Hey man! You guys want to go see the Allman Brothers?


Approximately 7 hours later I remember searching the parking lot in the Nissan Pavillon for the car. Approximately 2 hours after that I remember waking up in the backseat going

"Holy shit I hope Im not driving!"

Then whew, Im not. Back to sleep.

Thats it. I dont remember the concert. I dont remember seeing the damn band. I dont remember one single song.

Yet I had a great fucking time!

I wonder how I know I did?

Damn its hot!

I mean damn, its seriously hot here. Hard to stay in one place for too long at a time!

Friday, July 15, 2005

They Misunderestimate Me! Part II

Ok, so if part I wasnt enough to disgust you, with all the proof of the oil piracy/dynasty of the Bush family tree, then perhaps this will help.

Yes, he throws like a pansy.

And if thats not enough then perhaps this will do.

If that doesnt lend some very good proof to the evolution theories, then you are indeed hopeless, and its a miracle you can even read this.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Public Service Messages

Check out my flickr album for more of these if you need a good laugh.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Some thoughts on Intelligence

One of the indictments of civilizations is that happiness and intelligence are so rarely found in the same person.
William Feather (1908 - 1976)

To believe in God or in a guiding force because someone tells you to is the height of stupidity. We are given senses to receive our information within. With our own eyes we see, and with our own skin we feel. With our intelligence, it is intended that we understand. But each person must puzzle it out for himself or herself.
Sophy Burnham

So it is that the gods do not give all men gifts of grace - neither good looks nor intelligence nor eloquence.
Homer (800 BC - 700 BC)

Do not fight verbosity with words: speech is given to all, intelligence to few.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Like a kid

I was wandering around a couple weeks back when a friend of mine made an odd comment to me. He was slightly annoyed with me and Im sure he meant it to be an insult. The conversation ensued after most of us had drank at least 6 beers or so. There was loud music playing, weird shit cooking on the grill and people just in general staggering around. I was reaching into the back of my truck for some clothes when an old friend came to the back of the truck and grabbed my legs and proceeded to jerk me out of the truck and onto my face. I kind of flew backwards. Im guessing from their point of view I kind of resembled a red-headed demon backwards flying superman... er supergirl... fuck it Im not the feminist type... superman. As I landed on my chest in the grass I flipped over to find my old friend standing over me, laughing. Leeroy. Ok Leeroy is a real sweetheart. Ive known him for years. The only person I know of sweeter then Leeroy is his wife whom Ive also known for years. And Im just laying there stunned because its like Ive just been jerked onto my face by Mr. Rogers himself. So I jumped up and extended myself to my full intimidating height of five foot three and looked down at Leeroy. Yes I said looked down. So being confused and drunk and slightly amused I questioned Leeroy. Things were going good until he made 'the comment'.

Me: Leeroy, what the fuck?
Leeroy: Hey gurl, hows it going, havent seen ya in a while.
Me: Lee, you cant do that shit, just go around jerking women to the ground.
Leeroy: Uhh, well, yer legs was sticking out.
Me: Lee, you cant grab stuff just because its sticking out.
Leeroy: (looks confused)
Me: Ok let me clarify. You cant grab stuff thats sticking out if its not on your body.
Leeroy: Oooh, I get it. A pause then, 'GIT 'ER DONE.'
Me: Thats it you bastard its on.

So I launched onto Leeroy,normal forward flying superman style this time. And we roll down the hill, wrestling around. (aka as wrassling around here) We were having a good ol' drunken redneck time until I was lifted off the ground by another friend Ive known since I was 12. Feet dangling and out of breath I couldnt stop laughing.

Friend: Jesus christ you two stop killing each other the food is almost done. At least eat first.
Me: We were just playing man.
Friend: Oh.
Me: Why did you pull me off of him instead of pulling him off of me.
Friend: Cuz you are bigger.
Me: What? Nevermind it, put me down.
Friend: No!

About that time we hear a girlish sounding screech followed by again 'GIT 'ER DONE'.
And again, Leeroy jerks me by my feet and this time I land on my back. So I jumped up in what could best be described as a 'neck cartwheel' and begin pounding on Leeroy once again. The last thing I remember was our friend cursing at us. We both stopped wrestling long enough to look up and see a look of disgust on his face.

"You two are no better then a couple of fucking kids"

Leeroy looks at me. I look at Leeroy. We both look back at our friend.


Me: Thats it, Im going to kill you.

Ive got to stop this kind of shit soon. I think I broke something important.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

They Misunderestimate Me! Part I

Ok I know this will offend some people but please try to understand that it is written with passion. Dont mistake my passion for patriotism either. Of course I like my country. And of course I realize how much better my life as a woman is because I was born here instead of a country where women are treated in a less savory manner then they are here. I am only further disgusted because as I heard of the terrorist attacks on London I was shaken, only to come home and see all but a defiant smirk on Bush's face standing behind Blair while he gave his speech from the G8's. He is smirking as if he is saying "I told you so" to the world, to Britain in particular. Yes I told you so! I told you it was a good idea to bomb Iraq. Because they... well they have bombs right? And because if we bomb Iraq it will prove to other countries that we will not tolerate terrorism. As I said, dont mistake my passion for ignorance. I want to show you ignorance.

Society at large used to condemn pirates. Because in essence when an entire country said "No, we will not sell you our shit, because we dont like you!"
Well, the pirates didnt comply. No, indeed, they outright laid low, waited for a passing ship carrying the goods they wanted to sell, and then they jacked it. Yep, piracy was basically a jacking. Like car jacking, except it wasnt cars they were stealing, it was horribly dangerous items such as pepper or nutmeg. Now why would they steal shit like that? Well, it was a business to them. They were responsible for providing their goods to countries who couldnt retrieve them so easily themselves.

Here ya go. Lets try this sentance on for size.

"Argh maties, I only want to get the nutmeg that is coming to me. Because Tortuga will pay me enough money for that nutmeg so that I may sit on my haunches for the rest of my life in Parrot Bay doing nothing but living a leisurely life. And if they wont give me the nutmeg, then Ill kill them and take it!"

Ok, please replace nutmeg with the word oil. And Tortuga with... well any Arabic country that contains large oil reserves, as well as replacing Parrot Bay with Texas/Washington D.C.. and finally you will fully understand the above picture.

Moving on.

Am I wrong or did we come to this country, the poor and weary, rape, steal then kill the natives so that we could be free of religious persecution? Ok perhaps everything I learned was just total bullshit. But Im tired of this fucking country voting for God and Money. God isnt running, and we are running out of money. We the people that is. The President impoverishes us while his pockets grow fat on the dead bodies of our armed services.

WAIT! Dont get me wrong here. I support our troops fully. As a matter of fact it was only months ago that I considered signing up for the navy. Because I believe in fighting and dying for a cause. My cause, the cause of freedom. I do believe that a miniscule part of this "war" is being fought in the name of freedom. Every man and woman fighting in Iraq is fighting for our freedom. Thats me, thats you, thats them. Bush isnt fighting for our freedom. I cant believe the American people, after watching a couple centuries of religious tirades kill our men and women, will still vote for someone just because he is waving the eternal God banner. Maybe there is an 11th commandment I missed. Perhaps it goes somewhat like this.

11. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors oil. Unless your own oil only has 250 years worth on reserve and you are worried that your daddy might not approve of your reign unless you go steal some more.

Fuck that shit. And on my life if I hear about Jeb being urged to run for a term after his brother finishes destroying the country, I will go stark raving mad. Because of course we would want a man for President who now sits in a state that is still partially destroyed by LAST YEARS hurricanes to run this whole fucking scene. Sadly this reminds me of the state of the corporate world in this country. Every man and woman who works in this country can attest to ONE THING. The losers, the lackwits and the lazy get the biggest best and quickest promotions. The honest and loyal regularly get a good thorough fucking. Not the feel good kind either.

So while we sit and support this puppet in his oil endeavors I want to make one thing clear. We always want to sit and say, "Well, look how people came together during 9/11. Thats what this country is made of!!"

Thats the speech that Bush has relied on for years now. But let me make something clear. This is NOT an American only sentiment. Lets say I was traveling in a country I like less...Hmm...just for the sake of arguement lets call it Irate. Im walking through Irate one day, on vacation, minding my own business when I see some shit blow up. Pouring out of the blown up building I see women and children. Oh no, do I stop to consider... hmm... wait, this isnt MY COUNTRY..... I will let those infidels fend for themselves. No, human nature kicks in, and pushes me towards the flames to save OTHER HUMANS. I dont care what country they come from. I am human, when I see other humans in need, I TRY to help as best I can.

Moving on.

Now wait. I know all you right wing/Christian/Masochistic folks are going... "But we didnt want to vote for the lesser of two evils. We didnt want to vote another blowjob getting democrat into the office. So we chose Bush, because hes a good wholesome christian man who values his wife, and his country."

Shut the fuck up. Just because someone doesnt get caught at something doesnt mean they arent doing it. Clinton was a bit sloppy I agree. But if the worse thing he did was kill a couple people who got in his way, and recieve a blowjob from an intern while serving his term, then lie to his wife about it... all I can say is two things...'OMG HES A MAN' and "Dear Lord!! I see the word JOB in that phrase." Something I havent had since Mr. Bush was elected years ago. And besides that, need I start naming names of other very highly esteemed past presidents who had an affection for the ladies? Or even an affection for little boys? Hell, what about an affection for wearing womens clothing? I thought not!

To wrap up Part I of the "They Misunderestimate Me!" portfolio. I leave you with some Bush words of wisdom.

"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

"After all, Europe is America's closest ally." —George W. Bush, Mainz, Germany, Feb. 23, 2005.

"I was a prisoner too, but for bad reasons." —George W. Bush, to Argentine President Nestor Kirchner, on being told that all but one of the Argentine delegates to a summit meeting were imprisoned during the military dictatorship, Monterrey, Mexico, Jan. 13, 2004

"I'm also mindful that man should never try to put words in God's mouth. I mean, we should never ascribe natural disasters or anything else to God. We are in no way, shape, or form should a human being, play God." —George W. Bush, ABC's 20/20, Washington D.C., Jan. 14, 2005

"I want to appreciate those of you who wear our nation's uniform for your sacrifice." —George W. Bush, Jacksonville, Fla., Jan. 14, 2005

"I have a record in office, as well. And all Americans have seen that record. September the 4th, 2001, I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It's a day I will never forget." —George W. Bush, Marlton, New Jersey, Oct. 18, 2004

"The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off." —George W. Bush, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'" —George W. Bush, Beaverton, Oregon, Aug. 13, 2004

Finally, he figured out that none of us in our right fucking mind can understand a blasted thing he says.


I mean, damn.

No connection really sucks. My dsl was murdered. Im stuck in bfe again but have been missing the hell out of everyone.

I was just thinking that I live the sort of lifestyle where if I actually was to get lost, get whacked on the head, and get amnesia.. it would be at least 2 months before most people around here realized I was gone.

I guess I need to get some kind of lifeline, or just change lifestyles.

Hah, changing lifestyles..... ok nm that.. so Im likely to send out a few emails this week to a few very close net/blogger friends with a number in it they can contact me at. Besides just wanting a lifeline to the responsible adult world, I dont want to miss them either.

Ill be around a bit this week and would like to hear from some people, feel free to send me an email or IM if you want me to keep in contact with you somehow until I get a lousy dial up connection again or something.

On a lighter note, The Sims 2 have kept me sane for the last 2 months. The Xanax household is doing great. They are just bored as hell... might explain why they currently have 13 kids.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Misc Peni

This post is dedicated to penises, peni..? peniseses? Ok first I need to figure out the plural for penis I guess. This post is also dedicated to Mike Skira and Ryan in case they have any doubts that Americans are oversexed barbarians roaming around until they find a piece to drag back to their cave with them. (No no I know that SOME of us arent that bad, but I am, and I can only speak for myself, and a few friends who dont know what the net is yet)

I really just want to sort of 'celebrate' the diversity of penis and the owners of them. I wanted to make some things Ive noticed over the years apparent and common knowledge for others who may be seeking out information on the never elusive penis. If this is wrong, well then its not really wrong, it just wasnt your penis I was gaping at. Deal with it and let me fantasize. I am going to use the word Peni, to indicate plural peniseses, because it sounds cool to me.

This article will describe the many different types of Peni along with their corresponding personality types from MY experience.

Bent mid Penis types of Peni - The owner of the bent penis is normally extroverted moreso then any other types of peni. This type of penis (in its aroused state) stands at full attention... except for at the bend. Around mid penis, regardless of length, it has its own angle. Not a horrific angle, not like 90 degrees or anything.... just .. bent. Kind of like the leaning tower of peni... pisa. The owners of these types of peni are the life of parties, the quickest to suggest strip poker, or hell, just the quickest to strip and force everyone into watching them in all their bent glory. They are also the proudest of peni owners and the quickest to produce them at parties should a warning go up that is 'calling all peni'.

Proud Curve Peni - The proud curve peni is magnificent in all its beauty. It stands proudly, just not quite straight. It is the penis that slightly curves back towards its owner, which is one and the same with curving into all the right places once placed where it truly feels at home. Be cautious though of the owner of such proud and perfectly shaped peni. They harbor issues, perhaps not serious ones, but issues nonetheless that can be hidden behind the glory of the peni they own. While you are admiring the penis, they may be admiring new ways to suck you in to believing they are completely normal guys with great shaped peni.

The Hidden Penis - These peni are also to be appreciated... by someone. They might not have any special curves, or a beautiful countenance, but they are worthy peni just the same. Although this type of peni tends to retract, fully, inside of the body when not aroused, they can illicit a 'ooooh, ahhhh' type of response when reaching arousal. "oooooh - there it is!" "ahhh, we just might have a game after all folks!" Most men with the hidden penis are great guys, kind, good hearted and always willing to help a friend in need. They are concerned with the feelings of everyone around them, and go out of their way, sometimes subjecting themselves to pain, just to ease the suffering of another.

The "normal" penis - Well thank the heavens for the "normal" penis owner. Without them even the other peni might get a little boring. Most owners of the "normal" penis are in fact, quite normal. With one exception. They are almost always the guys who stand around, hands on hips, in Super Hero position proclaiming for the world that they in fact, have the largest penis known to man. Of course its not true, but its oh so entertaining. They are introverted at all the right times, and extroverted when given alcholic drinks. Even all the bragging about the worlds largest penis residing in their pants is just in good fun. Usually they calm down before the end of the night and admit to being just "normal" sized.

Good Lord Gargantuan - Ok these guys really blow me away. I have never seen the owner of a Gargantuan show any indication of having a third arm in their pants. They are confident, yes, but do not brag. In fact, you MAY know the owner of a Gargantuan, and just not know it. They fairly ooze sexuality, and tend to have an aura about them that just makes you want to screw, even if you arent sure why. They can be heard to utter "Dear god, its a curse" or "Dont tell your friends... please" when in the company of a close female friend. But if you are waiting for them to just stand on your kitchen table and go "Hey ladies, check this out" before they release the gargantuan and put a hole in your kitchen table... this aint gonna happen. The owners of Gargantuans are private people. Why? For fucks sake I have no idea. If they only knew.... or... maybe they do.
I had an odd experience with a Gargantuan. I had a friend for about 10 years, one night in my car I hear this thumping noise. And I assume he is just beating the inside of my car door with his fist. So, I glance over....... DEAR GOD WTF IS THAT? It was damned near 14 inches long and came real close to being the size of one of my own arms.....I was gasping, and laughing, when I said... jesus dave, where the fuck did you get that? Its mine, was his reply. Well I know that... but I mean, how come Ive known you for ten years and never knew you had gear like that???? The response...."Oh, I dunno, just never thought to show you I guess" That is the Gargantuan personality to the dime.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Oh the pain~!

The pain of not having an internet connection for the first time in nearly 10 years is almost shattering!

Nevertheless I should be around a bit more and even will go so far as to post from the houses of the few people I actually know locally that know the net :D
Its quite barbaric here..

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Sex for life

Am I the only person who finds sex to be a physically nessecary activity? I constantly hear people saying they want to have sex, they would like to have sex etc. No, I NEED to have sex.

Give me 3 days without sex and I start to get frustrated. I stutter, get clumsy, begin to feel like I need a bottle of xanax just to get through each day. I get annoyed easy and those who have come to know me even recognize it. Its become somewhat of a running joke around my crowd that when I trip over my words as well as small rocks or bottle caps on the ground that I must not have had sex lately.

I guess its a little funny, except when you imagine that most experts predict a woman is at her sexual peak at around 35.

Dear lord... its going to get worse?

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Jason Mulgrew

If you are looking for something to read Id like to suggest checking out Mulgrews web log. If you have the same sick twisted demented sense of humor I do then Id suggest reading.

or just click the post title!

I post this for 3 reasons.

1. He made me do it.
2. He really is good. A bit pushy and douchebaggish but very, very good.
3. It is hard to find a good safe entertaining site for work. And this one doesnt have pictures/sounds/flickering lights that will get you in attention/trouble.

I cant remember who's log I got this site from so long ago. But thank you to whoever provided it. It has given me hours of fun and relaxation.. and more then a couple times caused me to spew alcoholic beverages in one form or another onto my monitor. Thats just good fun.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Always and Never

Sometimes, life brings you to your knees.
Sometimes you get up.
Sometimes you just lay there and take it.

Sometimes, life is hard to swallow.
Sometimes you can choke it down, barely getting it past the lump thats been in your throat for days, weeks, years.
Sometimes you give up trying to choke it down and just move on, blindly, in slow motion, and in solitude.

Sometimes, you tell yourself you cant take it anymore.
Sometimes you hate your own strength, sometimes you want to walk away from yourself.
Then you take it, and take it some more.

Sometimes all you feel is pain.
Sometimes you can stuff it down, tuck it away.
Sometimes it tucks you away, stuffs you down, consumes you.

Sometimes, its not what is said or done to you.
Sometimes its what you do to yourself.
You want, you need, the pain to stop.
But the pain reminds you of what you really are.
The pain reminds you to keep cleansing your soul.

Some people wash their hands of you.
I wash my soul of you.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005


Thanks for all the comments and concerns about my short afk. I seemed to have gotten stuck in bfe and couldnt get out and back to my DSL modem that I love so much. Ive got a lot of catching up to do on a lot of blogs but with the DSL reunion having occured... as people tend to say around here.. "Its on"

I just wanted to share a thought that I had last week when something ugly happened.

"Concerns that are not given a voice are soon turned into regrets."

Believe that, its truth.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Dude, I found my truck~

Well I found out what happened to it. The night before I got on the plane apparently my cousin had given me a couple of strong xanax to calm my nerves before I boarded. Well, it seems I got overanxious and took them right away. I called him from a friends house having apparently lost the ability to drive or use most other essential motor functions, so he picked me up. Well the trick worked really because not only do I not remember getting on the plane to head to Orlando, but I dont remember purchasing a vodka and grapefruit juice at the bar in Atlanta's airport where I had a layover. Wtf, I fuckin hate vodka, and grapefruit juice? Lol try getting me to drink that shit when I have more then one brain cell firing.

I was SURE that I left it at my dads house, which is why I was entirely shocked when he said, "uh, no Joy, you came back and got it that night dont you remember?"

No Dad, no I dont.

I got it back though, but I bet there was 3 weeks of hell on someone having to stare at my truck and couldnt use it. Damn carless people around here.

Monday, March 21, 2005


Ok so I got back last week early after a slightly eventful take off into a storm that delayed our layover flights out of Atlanta. Got home, finally got my lost luggage back and got the PC from Bedford where there is currently no net connection and drug it to Roanoke to spend time with my DSL modem. So WB me and Im off to work up my vehicle story.

Yes I did find it.

Saturday, March 12, 2005


Going to go to bar tomorrow night, and meet two more net friends Ive known for more then 5 years now on Sunday. Going to spend the day with them in Daytona! Getting on the plane Monday early afternoon. Last post! Im headed home after wrapping up the best part of vacation!

Blog @ u later!

In memory of Scot 'Escoses' Goodridge

For 5 years I played a game called Everquest. I made many friends along the way, and more then a couple of enemies. I was a leader of sorts on the game, so both were to be expected. I had a conflict with a couple of characters about a year ago. On Feb 25th I resolved that bitter conflict with one of those characters through my instant messenger. On March the 4th he was killed in a car accident. Ive spent this time going over how to honor another gift I was given in this matter. The gift of understanding and compassion. The second character I had the conflict was a good friend to this person who was killed last week. The second I seen her log onto my instant messenger I took a deep breath, swallowed stupid pride, and offered her the comfort only one who had suffered a similar loss can.

How close I came.. days close, to having to suffer the guilt once again of unsettled anger. How hard the lessons of guilt are already on my soul. Whatever powers that be spared me this time, and for that I appreciate.

I hope some of my post on the earlier part of my blog offered Shayla comfort. And Im sure if she reads this, or even Dan does, they will know the meaning behind it.

Almost too late

We didnt always get along
We didnt always agree
But everytime the night got hard
You were there for me

We talked a lot
About you and me
And the things that made us alike
Then in the end
It was those same things
That caused us lasting strife

But here I am to honor you
And comfort those who cared
And in the end nothing else matters
Then the few moments we shared

When asked why and how and what
How could I set her soul at ease?
But I cast off anger and did what was right
So I could tell her 'see?'

It was because of my own loss
that I felt it was fair
To ignore the anger of a year ago
And prove that I was there.

I hope your soul will rest in peace
Perhaps it was your spirit
That gave mine the needed shove
But I want you to know
that yes indeed
She will be loved.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Fuck the birds!!

Fuck birds.

One woke me up this morning at around 10:30 am. Screeching.. .over and over and over. Had I been at home, I would have got up, thrown the window up, and gave that bird a nice "SHUT THE FUCK UP"

As it is, I had to just get up.

Fuck birds. Unless they are parrots, I have nothing for them.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Dude...Where is my truck?

Apparently the night before I got on the plane I also had a tad too much to drink. I THOUGHT my truck was left in front of my dads house but my dad said I picked it up later that night.

Hmm, well when I get back to Roanoke I have a small mystery to solve.

Damn drinking......

Seriously, Ive lost my own vehicle. Thats terrible!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Huff Huff Huff

Tampa Bay was beautiful but DAMN driving wears your ass out.

Off to Bar Orlando in a few!! The Perfect Saturday Night Hot Spot!!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Survey I found on Shannons blog

Birthday:September 20th
Birthplace:Roanoke Va
Current Location:Orlando Fl
Eye Color:Multi colored
Hair Color:Red
Height:5 foot 3
Right Handed or Left Handed:Right
Your Heritage:Irish/Scottish
The Shoes You Wore Today:None
Your Weakness:Smoking
Your Fears:None
Your Perfect Pizza:Xtra Pepperoni and Onions
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:A good job
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:WTF
Thoughts First Waking Up:Im hungry
Your Best Physical Feature:My arse
Your Bedtime:Right before the sun comes up
Your Most Missed Memory:Riding around on lunchbreak with Ben
Pepsi or Coke:Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:McDonalds, though I hate them both
Single or Group Dates:Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla:Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:Cappuccino
Do you Smoke:Yes
Do you Swear:Incredible amounts
Do you Sing:Never, I dont want to kill people
Do you Shower Daily:Yes
Have you Been in Love:Its possible but Im never quite sure
Do you want to go to College:Yes, er, I mean I did already
Do you want to get Married:No, never again
Do you belive in yourself:Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness:No
Do you think you are Attractive:No
Are you a Health Freak:No
Do you get along with your Parents:Occasionally
Do you like Thunderstorms:Yes
Do you play an Instrument:I used to
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Yes
In the past month have you Smoked:Yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs:Yes
In the past month have you gone on a Date:No
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:No
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:No
In the past month have you been on Stage:No
In the past month have you been Dumped:No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:No
Ever been Drunk:Yes
Ever been called a Tease:Yes
Ever been Beaten up:Yes, but only by weak men
Ever Shoplifted:Yes
How do you want to Die:In my sleep
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:I dont want to grow up
What country would you most like to Visit:Ireland
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Green
Favourite Hair Color:Dark brown or black
Short or Long Hair:Long
Height:5 foot 8 or so
Weight:160 +
Best Clothing Style:Causal
Number of Drugs I have taken:All of them except Xtasy
Number of CDs I own:None now the ex took them
Number of Piercings:4, ears only
Number of Tattoos:Jesus... a lot
Number of things in my Past I Regret:None


Wednesday, March 02, 2005

New Endings


Even on Vacation there is bound to be someone who trys to fuck things up. So here I was sitting wondering where my alcoholic ex had been hiding himself and he popped up again today. Of course it was only to tell me he had tried to kill himself. He had sent me an email declaring he would days ago. Then disappeared so I would worry and not enjoy the vacation.

I do miss him, even through the abuse its hard not to miss someone you spent so much of your life with, but that part of my life is over. After he ,of course, blamed his attempted suicide on me I decided then it was time to break it for good. I asked a family member to file the divorce for me and get him to sign it, and that the day I came back I would sign it as well and make it official. My divorce is paid for and will be awaiting my pleasure upon my return.

In the words of my ex who does read my blog, because of course he MUST have new shit to toss in my face:

dragon: go sock some puerto rican cock

Ok Im assuming sock means suck and I understand the rest... so my reply to him is:

Why thank you sir, I think I just may do that.

Good Bye Doug and Good Riddance!!

My Girl!!

Welp, I found Kelley tonight. Went out, played some pool, drank some beers with her. It was the first time Ive cried out of joy in a loong time, it might have been the first time Ive ever cried just because I was seeing or meeting someone. Incredible shit. Everyone should experience that at least once.

When we finally found time to stop hugging each other we got a couple pics. Ooops, well we were hugging in those too but Ill get those up asap!


****Picture of Kelley and I is in my Flickr Album!!! We were SOOO happy to meet each other.. can never forget that. Oh and Ill be back to spend more time with her VERY soon!!! (Oh and I looked horrible because the allergies had already smeared my make up off my face hours before, but I was happy so I didnt care!!)****

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


I have seen more breast since arriving in Orlando last Thursday then Ive ever seen in my life.

Life is kind, sometimes. And what the ever loving hell???? Everyone here is so hot its unreal. I feel so...average. But thats fine, thats a world better then having people call you the devil, which tends to get you more attention then you want.

I have seen one redhead since Ive been here. And that was in a club with 600 people. DEAR GOD, THEY ARE BREEDING US OUT.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Lost and Found

Damn its about time but I finally got in touch with Kelley. She is still about 200 miles from me but damnit if Ill go back to Va without seeing and hugging her.

I cant wait!!!

Sunday, February 27, 2005


Had a killer time last night in downtown Orlando. Its been a long time since I was in a club that big. It was called Bar Orlando and the atmosphere was killer. Thanks BIG TIME to Mike for showing me one of the best times Ive had in a few years.

This really is a great city.

Friday, February 25, 2005



Thats all I can say at the moment.


Tuesday, February 22, 2005


Today will be the last post I make until I get to Florida and can get on my friends PC there.

I will be grabbing a plane from Roanoke Airport and flying with a layover in Atlanta, to Orlando Florida!!

Hope everyone takes care and Ill see ya when Im in Florida!~~~

Bike week, Key West, and then off to Amsterdam~~~~

Ill bring you all something back :P

I wanted to leave you with a excerpt of a lyric from one of my old favorite songs. Its got a lot of meaning within it, but it can be different for each person.

If you feel alive
In a darkened room
Do you know the name
of your solitude?

If you aint got the answers
If you dont know the truth
If you want the power
Then let it flow through.

Would you let it go?
Would you let it go?
They cannot end this mourning of my life...
Show me how the Gods kill.

Friday, February 18, 2005


Beer, party, tired.
Weak, sleepy, liquor.
How did I get to here?

Yawning, restless, awake.
Beaded sweat, thirsty, no.
Grinding, throbbing, pulse.

Quit feeding me, I must drink the juice alone.

*No idea wtf*

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Lost Terrell Owens Head - Update

Well, last night I got to find out the fate of the Head at hand. Terrell Owens head, a sports figurine head that I took off with a 9 iron, and purposefully left at Kts so that Cd would see it and know how I felt about him and his little game.

Kt said that Cd had come over the other night. Ok touchy situation here but I had to ask.

"Did he see the head?"
"I dont know"
"Well I know one thing, had he seen that head, you would have known"
Lots of laughter from Kt.
"Where is it?"
"Its over there on the dresser, I was trying to get his helmet off yesterday"


Ok, we are both very evil evil people.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Powerstruggle 201 - Train the Trainer

Really, what is it about me that has made every man Ive ever been with long term, meaning 2 years or more, want to power struggle with me. Tip the scales, break me down, gain advantage, gain control and overrule me?

I know one thing, there is nothing about the way I treat anyone, like or dislike, that makes it seem like a good idea or thing to do.

I have no idea why the ego mania power struggle. I do not try to 'rule' anyone or anything, besides myself nor do I expect anyone to try to dictate to me anything.

In light of the above, I, with the help of a friend whom I will be seeing in Florida in ONE WEEK NOW!@!@! I figured out that it likely is the free roaming nature of just running off to Florida for 20 days, that perhaps, intimidated Cd to become what he apparently is now. I dont think my judgement was that off. I think something bothered him. That seems like it to me. So hes paying me back, I guess he took it personal.

But to be honest, there is still only one man I actually married, so if anyone on earth I felt I had to listen to it would still only be to the one I promised to love, honor and obey. That just because of the fact that even though I am quite godless, or free of organized religon, I did take those vows seriously. To the bitter end.

So what makes guys want to control a chick? Change her, break her spirit etc, take away from her what they loved about her the most to begin with? I truly want to understand. This isnt a ME, issue. I didnt just watch it done to me, but to likely at least a hundred female relatives or friends as well. It IS a pattern there I believe.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

3 Odd Links

I wanted to post 3 links I have saved to my I.E. Fav's. Sometimes I dont even remember how they got there but they are usually always good.

Bless you

Charlie Daniels - Disturbing, Has sound

GIS - Scares the hell out of those "They are watching us" fanatics

I can find any house in Roanoke using this system. A friend once doubted it when I told him on the phone and I was like "So who's red truck is that out there in your driveway" Hes one of those out to get us peeps too. Scared the fuck out of him.

Jokers to the right...

I didnt hear back from Cd today. But as I was sitting here reading and posting in various blogs around the net, I seen his truck go up the damn street! That was at around 11:30 pm or so.

Jokers, stalkers, whatever...

Lol cant men just say wtf they want? Does it always have to be game?

Monday, February 14, 2005

Cocaine Drama

[21:34] Joy: dudes are so criminal and shit
[21:34]  : dont give me that shit!
[21:34] Joy: lmao
[21:35] Joy: they are man
[21:35] Joy: dude is evil
[21:35]  : women suck!
[21:35] Joy: he says.. cory asked who gave me a ride to work today...
[21:35] Joy: i was like uhh.. umm... yeah?? he said far as he knows kelly took me
[21:35] Joy: i was all .. oooh.. damn thanks love u. kkthx2u
[21:35] Joy: meat stick wins
[21:35]  : i cant believe you talked to her though
[21:35] Joy: yeah a lot
[21:36]  : why
[21:36]  : alot
[21:36] Joy: cuz of all the coke prolly
[21:36]  : your a traitor
[21:36] Joy: lies dude
[21:36] Joy: i did not traitorize u
[21:36] Joy: im the only person there that didnt u fewl
[21:36] Joy: lil bitch
[21:36] Joy: i should have now
[21:36]  : everyones fucking traitors
[21:37]  : i dont care
[21:37] Joy: lies
[21:37]  : im used to it
[21:37] Joy: i had no reason to traitortize u
[21:37] Joy: i told her all i knew about u i knew from talking to you myself.. so she coudnt really tell me much that i didnt know.. that i wanted to know
[21:37] Joy: u c
[21:37] Joy: it kind of shut her up and made her all jealous at once
[21:37] Joy: im the reason she called u u bastard
[21:37]  : but you coulda smacked her
[21:37]  : or something hostile
[21:37] Joy: dude
[21:38] Joy: i was hostile to her a bit
[21:38] Joy: she was all... tryin to . .i dunno
[21:38] Joy: game over me
[21:38] Joy: u know what i mean?
[21:38]  : no
[21:38]  : lol
[21:38] Joy: shes like..
[21:38] Joy: im all smart etc etc ble ble.. women are highly intimidated by women older then them
[21:38] Joy: so she was already lookin fewlish just talkin the shit to me
[21:38]  : wtf lol
[21:38] Joy: damn man. ok
[21:38] Joy: game rules
[21:38] Joy: women rule
[21:39] Joy: women older then you rule you
[21:39] Joy: that is all
[21:39]  : i know this
[21:39] Joy: ok so
[21:39] Joy: game was
[21:39]  : shes a year younger than me
[21:39]  : and she needs to grow up
[21:39] Joy: she all tried to talk to me as if.. and i was like.. no way, i know what i know and i dont wanna hear your side.. yo
[21:39]  : im not messing with younger girls anymore
[21:39] Joy: and then it was like.. oh.. no.. she pwned me
[21:39] Joy: see
[21:40] Joy: she didnt talk to me much after that
[21:40]  : but she fucked me over you shoulda smakced her
[21:40]  : your my friend!
[21:40] Joy: hahah
[21:40]  : dude
[21:40]  : really
[21:40] Joy: dude.. i havent even seen u on here in years
[21:40]  : she threatened to throw my shit out on the street
[21:41] Joy: she did try to pwn u and i shut her the fuck up
[21:41] Joy: no shit
[21:41]  : she called me like....you dont get this shit out tonight its on the street
[21:41] Joy: well see i didnt know wtf happened.. i might have smacked her had i known that shit
[21:41] Joy: i would have at least raged
[21:42] Joy: dude.. had i known she threw your shit out id have said something
[21:42] Joy: cuz at least even pecker neck didnt toss my shit
[21:42] Joy: u gotta talk to a motherfucker every now and then if you want your old bitches slapped yo
[21:42] Joy: stupid
[21:43] Joy: i already wanted to slap her
[21:43] Joy: a reason would have been grand
[21:43]  : well
[21:43]  : lets seeeeee
[21:43]  : she tells me to get the fuck out one day, 2 days later some gay guy and his roomate move in with her
[21:43] Joy: lmao
[21:43] Joy: wasnt dave was it
[21:43]  : she calls me telling me to get my shit out cause they need the room
[21:43]  : no
[21:43] Joy: cuz that dude had a LOT of coke
[21:44]  : see
[21:44]  : thats what i mean
[21:44]  : they are all fucked up
[21:44] Joy: he gave me so much coke i fixed my pc
[21:44] Joy: so i have to give that dude props
[21:44]  : dave has owed jp money for like a year for $100 LD phone bill
[21:44] Joy: lmao
[21:44]  : jp's been talking shit about him too
[21:44] Joy: well he gave him about 1k in coke that i seen
[21:45]  : they all just talk shit about each other
[21:45] Joy: lmao
[21:45] Joy: ld phone bill
[21:45] Joy: cocaine
[21:45] Joy: all of its hilarious
[21:45]  : wtf is jp gonna do with coke
[21:45]  : he wont even smoke weed
[21:45] Joy: lol
[21:45] Joy: yea.. he does
[21:45] Joy: and from the angle i was sitting
[21:46] Joy: looked like he put it in his nose
[21:46] Joy: but i could be wrong
[21:46] Joy: he could have been eating it

Mmm Candy

This one kills me. I joke about it, say it all the time. I wish I had a bag of these fucking things and I dont even like the taste.

Clowns to the left of me

Well Cd called and the phone ringing woke me up. Apparently I didnt answer it fast enough for him. So no speaky. Im laying 5 dollars on him driving to Kt's to call me from there because he knows Ill answer that one.

I actually did answer this one too, just after staring at it for a sec, pondering answering it, and by the time I did he hung up :p

Dancing to 'Stuck in the Middle'

Happy V Day ~

Im enjoying it so far. Alone :)

Sunday, February 13, 2005

My Cousin Mick~

I just have to make this post for my cousin Mick that just left. Mick is by blood my first cousin. That doesnt sound odd to you unless you were adopted as an infant as I was. Around a year old. But from the age of 5 living down the street from me was Chris. And Chris had an older sister named Lynn. Well, for years Mick and Lynn dated. An old best friend of mine Cathy had a thing for Mick sometime back. He was in a serious wreck and she used to tell me of going to visit him and etc. Hes always been around, we have all the same friends. When I say Kt.. well he knows everything about me in such a short time. It is amazing. I am completely living proof that DNA dominates over environment everytime. I was raised in a different more scrict upbringing. Deep christian values were in the house, just not in my mind. I dislike organized religion in every since.
About 4 months ago now I think, I was at Kt's one night when Mick came by. We both knew we were out there, both as I had said, had the same friends. Shared the same close friend in Kt as in Cathy as well. I knew it was him, without even remembering having seen him before. All those years the common friends, the long term girlfriend who lived 3 houses down from mine since I was 5.. we never met. Until Kt's that night 4 months ago.
Even though we didnt really introduce ourselves (we normally dont we are rude I suppose), he was leaving and said his phone number to Kt. I knew the number, it was my Aunt Frances number. The only person I had managed to stay in contact with after the death of my biological mother whom everyone knew as Bug. I spoke up to him then and told him I knew who's number that was. He said "You must be my cousin." I said I thought so.
We share everything about each other with each other. We were working together, but even since then have talked on the phone in long conversations just bullshitting. I know Dal would hate to hear it but Mick is the biggest reason Ive stayed so strong there too. He makes me stronger as a person. Challenges me to challenge myself with things. Never my judge, never my debtor. Ive done shit I never thought Id do. Openly talk to someone about how I felt about them. Being more straight forward. Its hard to imagine myself needing to be, but sometimes its true. Hes already covered my back and watched out for me in this short time then any person ever has. Ive done the same for him.
I appreciate. So I share.
If you do anything for anyone on Valentines day, let them know you appreciate them. In any way. It doesnt matter at all. Taking the time to commend someone on their being, is an amazing feeling. Having someone around that you can bounce anything off of anytime is something to be taken never for granted. For the couples just enjoy each other. And for the single people, well enjoy everybody :p

What the hell V 4.0

Ok. Cd. He still hasnt called me. Thats fine. No closure. FINE. He should have gotten the snail mail yesterday, or maybe tomorrow. But thats ok. I wont answer now if he does call. Now its a battle of wits and strength. Now I get it. Sadly, I will win this one. I hope he seriously hasnt been 'testing' me because he failed miserably, and I suffered lightly.

Ok its not. Its bullshit. I dont care if hes seeing someone else. I dont care if he just thinks Im a crazy bitch whom he doesnt want to speak to again. But GFDIT how do you just do that to someone. Ill tell you. Immaturity. Pay attention Joy! Im learning ok... trying. The only way you can leave someone hanging like that is to have never experienced the loss of someone important to you. Even if you experienced it, you didnt learn from it. Either way. Immaturity. I feel greatful I guess. Im not usually lucky enough to spot the immaturity before the relationship begins. Im damn glad now we didnt cloud up the learning experience of the relationship with sex.

If I need sex, I know where to go. I dont have to attach myself to someone immature just to satisfy a physical need.


The Canadian EQ Crew

God I started missing some of the people I played EQ with. We had a group of Canadians, Serafrym, Dulby and a couple of others. Damn but I miss Sera. Even though I was guild leader and tells/private messages were truly a pain in the ass 90% of the time. Sera never ceased to have me rolling.

Click the link for the entire archive page, but this one I had to share right off.

And just remember

Saturday, February 12, 2005

I promised

Ok so Ive promised several people several times I would take some recent photos. Get a few more shots of the tattoo's. So here goes a few. The back piece has to wait, I cant see my own back very well, even opposed to what my ex said about me being possessed. I still cant see it with a mirror.

Thought I would share the happy eyes I had today. I dont get them often. And yes, most people tell me I look like Im up to something all the time. Im not... not 100% of the time.

Ok this is the tattoo I have on my upper left breast. Even though you STILL cant see it well, crappy dig cam. It is a black rose that is morphing into a dragon. The stem becoming a tail as it curls up into scales from thorns.

This is the Ankh I have on my ankle

This is proof of previous post of the tattoo that is forever hidden under my hair :p

And the next two are ridiculous looking me, starting to look old but still feel like a 14 year old, and act like it sometimes.

Wet from the shower when I started this post.

Drying out and wrapping this up.

I guess the last pic is almost a look of self satisfaction. Never fear, I dont expect it to last.

Pssst! Secret

When I was around 17 or so I had shaved the sides of my head. Well my hair was always so long that when it hung down you couldnt tell I had half my hair shaved off. But as a Tattoo/Art lover I figured hey, all my art so far are things I feel represent me, roses and dragons etc. But I thought to myself, well, how about a tattoo on the head. At the time I had went from being a number #1 Metallica die hard fan. Then they flipped up on me and started singing like choir boys. So I fell back to my old reliable, Samhain buddy Glen Danzig for some inspirational musical art.

Yep, that is tattoo'd on the left side of my skull. Sure, sometimes it freaks out the hair dressers. But when I do get old and my hair starts thinning, I bet my grandchildren will just love it.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Fellow Bloggers of the Round Table

Click the link.

If you are interested in being added as a blogger on this site please email me your email @ dragoncave@msn.com

I will be doing some major tweaking including neato tags for those who blog there.

Any ideas will help, suggestions?

Angry Nice Guy & Me

Lol dont take this offensively but I known how you have been having a great time lately, and while not being willing to give up that good time, from time to time having self doubts.

But I must say, the night before last I did something I NEVER, EVER, believed I would ever do. I cant help but sit here grinning like a moron about it. It involves a fantasy most humans have, whether they admit it or not. I cant even bring myself to type it, but I know I have some seriously intelligent bloggers around here.

In the end, it meets the suggestion I gave to you if you feel you are getting a bit too attached to your girl. Im not the type to give biblical or sometimes even moralistic advice. But Id advise you to try it, just to get a break from the stress.
I now regret having knocked T.O.'s head off, but only because doing what I did the night before last, definately means that Im not missing anything in Cd.

Anyone got any idea what I may have done??

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

My Name and what it means


Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Hows this sound?

Instead of the spammer who wrote the thing about the blog off on some of our blogs... Id like to ask if anyone is interested in making a someone community for the bloggers who frequent all of ours.

It seems an easy way to get to one blog addy if have to format. That way everyone you blog with can easily add you again.

I think another plus is that sometimes we want to crawl out of our lil blog holes and rant someone @ random where we know we arent 'clogging' up someone elses blog with stuff thats driving only you crazy at the moment.

I will take care of all the links and invites. And I want to make it clear that I dont mean my bloggers alone, but your bloggers, their bloggers and so on. Not to mention the so many others that can add colorful blogging to the forum right along side the usual. :) I hate webrings really and this woudnt be that kind of sign up spam you to death type of thing. Just a place for us to call home base. Friends should always have a home base right?

Damn, any of you fuckers ever play hide n seek as kids????

Just playin. I want to know everyones thoughts.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

So far down

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colors of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

Close the book

Well since Cd never called me back last night I decided it was time to take my own closure instead of waiting around for it.

He gave me a Terrell Owens figurine about 4 weeks ago. Last night I told myself he had until 12am to call. At 12 am, on 3 purple xanax and a 40 oz of THA BULL (yes ew, but i didnt care) I took Mr Owens out into the street along with a 9 iron. And proceeded to accurately use his body as a tee, to take his head clean off. Tonight I will take the head to his cousins house, and prop it up on his coffee table, where I know Cd will see it the next time he goes over there. Maybe this sounds mean, or vengful, but I think leaving someone hanging is far worse. At least when he sees Mr. Owens decapitated head laying on his cousins table. He will get the message.

That is closure for me. Im well done now. Here is a song dedicated to last night, today, and the rest of my life that will be spent without ever talking to Cd again.

Leaves are falling all around,
It's time I was on my way.
Thanks to you, I'm much obliged
For such a pleasant stay.
But now it's time for me to go,
The autumn moon lights my way.
For now I smell the rain,
And with it pain,
And it's headed my way.
Ah, sometimes I grow so tired,
But I know I've got one thing I got to do,

*Ramble On,
And now's the time, the time is now
To sing my song.
I'm goin' 'round the world,
I got to find my girl, on my way.
I've been this way ten years to the day, Ramble On,
Gotta find the queen of all my dreams.

Got no time to for spreadin' roots,
The time has come to be gone.
And tho' our health we drank a thousand times,
It's time to Ramble On.

*Ramble on

I ain't tellin' no lie.
Mine's a tale that can't be told,
My freedom I hold dear;
How years ago in days of old
When magic filled the air,
T'was in the darkest depths of Mordor
I met a girl so fair,
But Gollum, and the evil one crept up
And slipped away with her.
Her, her....yea.
Ain't nothing I can do, no.

*Ramble on

Gonna ramble on, sing my song
Gotta keep-a-searchin' for my baby...
Gonna work my way, round the world
I can't stop this feelin' in my heart
Gotta keep searchin' for my baby
I can't find my bluebird!
I'd listen to my bluebird sing but I can't find my blue bird
A-keep-a ramblin' baby...

Killing with Charm

Standing with my enemies
Hung on my horns
With haste and reverie
Killing with charm
Only happy when you hurt
Only deadly in a swarm
Only healthy in the dirt
Only empty in your arms
I play, I’m sick and tame
Drawing the hordes
I wait, and show the lame
The meaning of harm
The skulls beneath my feet
Like feathers in sand
I graze among the graves
A feeling of peace
Only bending when you break
Only feeding when you’re cold
Only healing when you ache
Only feeling when you don’t

Another Turning Point

Another turning point a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

Good Bye to another bad moment in life
I wish him the best, but denying me closure I will never forget.

Tryin to make some sense of it all

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
And I'm wondering what it is I should do,
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please.... Please.....

Trying to make some sense of it all,
But I can see that it makes no sense at all,
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor,
'Cause I don't think that I can take anymore
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please.... Please.....

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you,
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
Stuck in the middle with you.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Via Chapdaddy

If there is at least one person in your life whom you consider a close friend, and whom you would not have met without the internet, post this sentence in your journal.

What the hell? V 3.0

Ok I hope this doesnt get long (rolls eyes) but I have to get it out and I must have some kind of help here. When I was 'hangin' out with Cd things were cool. We were friends, playing video games, lounging on the couch. At some point he called me early one more around 2 weeks ago now and I had taken a sleeping pill to get to sleep around 4:30am. I dont remember the conversation well but the next time I spoke to him he had said I had been really rude. Ok, so I called and apologized. And he still doesnt call or talk to me anymore. Holy shit he didnt even call to bash the Eagles loss yesterday.

Fuck this, fuck that, I dont get it. But at 8 pm I am calling him to ask him what is up. Hes probably going to pretend he isnt there or maybe he wont be but we WILL talk.

I hope I dont lose my temper, but I really thought he was better then that. To at least go hey, you were a bitch and it freaked me out so I dont want to talk to you for a while, or ever. For fucks sake why cant men be men. Whenever I tell someone something bluntly in front of my dad he tells me its not very ladylike. What the ever loving fuck does that mean? Because I am honest I must be acting mannish? Cuz thats total trash. I didnt do anything so bad and no matter what at some point you have to say good bye to people either slightly or completely.

I hate it when people say shit like "I dont like good byes"

Wait until you didnt get the chance to say one before you ever think that is the truth. If its over, then Ill say just that. Good bye. This is why I leave no regrets behind. I wont have to wonder years from now what could have been..... for the second time now with Cd. Cut and dried.

Game Over

Ok so Philly didnt win. I wasnt entirely confident that they would. But DAMN, that really was a good game. Better then the last few NE blowouts Ive watched. Both teams had some serious defense going on and the defense from each team was shaking up and beating down the opposing offense.

Im still going to be a loyal fan regardless.

Even CD didnt call to taunt me. I think its past time I speak to him and close that book. I am going to try to call tomorrow when he gets off work to get some kind of closure on the very short friendship we shared. I dont want to, I just feel like its the adult and wise thing to do. No regrets, no wondering what would have happened had I just called. Oh, Ill prolly be mad after the call, but Ill be relieved. Im not the type to live easily when I have unanswered questions.

Sigh @ me

Sunday, February 06, 2005


Ok. Ive never had compassion for the homeless for the most part. I realize that sometimes you can get down and out and its VERY hard to pick your own ass up and start over. Look, I havent been able to find a solid job for 2 years. But I didnt give up and go sleep on the heating vents. I do however realize that anyone older then me is most likely wiser. Im sure I could learn a lesson or two if I spent some time with someone who was homeless, but well, I dont have the fuckin time. Here is a short story of a man who decided that even in homelessness he wouldnt be alone. Im going to call him Crazy Coin for this story.

I was walking to a concert about 10 years ago. There is a fountain downtown Roanoke that is just a big bowl looking concrete hole with a single huge spout of water that comes out of it. In the summer time its an often occurance to see the homeless bathing in it. Ok thats good, they bathe anywhere and Im happy about it. Of course the cops drag them out of there and throw their wet asses in jail. Im sure they appreciate it. They get towels and food there. But there is one hardcore member of the homeless crew that does this year round. Crazy Coin. He carries a mason jar full of pennies.

As I was walking by, close enough to finally see and hear him, I observed that he was hugging the penny jar. "Everything is going to be ok when the plane gets here" he told the pennies. "WHAT? What the fuck do you mean there are no planes coming?"
"Fuck you Erma" (yes the wad of pennies seems to have taken on a single identity for him) "Ill kill you you whore"

I kind of smiled and shook it off until I heard a splashing noise. I turned around and seen him holding an empty mason jar. Id estimate that there are about 5 dollars in pennies in that container.

"Im so sorry Erma you cunt but you asked for it that time" Then he began picking up the pennies again. Fishing each and every one of them out the water. (This was in March by the way, very fucking cold)

I walked on and went to my Metallica concert thinking about Crazy coin.

After the show I had to walk back to my car, past Crazy coin again. By the time I got to where he was, he was holding the jar and crying and rocking it like a baby. But still calling it a whore. About the time I was almost past where he sat in the water. I heard the splash again. This time he yelled loud enough for most of downtown to hear him. "Bitch if you ever call me a cocksucker again Ill kill you with my bare hands" Again with the fishing them out of the water.

The only thing I can imagine is wrong with him is that first, he has an incredible case of Turrets, and that his dead wife Erma, probably played one too many games of 52 card pick up with him.

It affected me too a bit I guess. When any of my friends sees a penny on the ground they screech and pick it up as if they had found the holy grail. I never touch them. I always remember Crazy coin and wonder what he might have been doing with those pennies when no one was looking. I dont know what happened to the penny man (what we all called him back then) But if he died, I guess that gives new meaning to the phrase Pennies from Heaven.