I'm not sure why hes landed on my mind again. Maybe it's because regardless of what anyone believes, I know I have a heightened perception that others may not have, or at least refuse to believe they do, while just assuming life is a series of coincidences, which is very well may still be, but hes there, lurking in my mind. You know how I know he's there? I don't see him, I don't even know if I FEEL him there, its more like, part of his being becomes part of my own. And no, I'm not on drugs that should cause that. What I mean is the suddenly I'm watching Green Day and Sublime videos on youtube, these are not commonly bands I would ever listen to on youtube. I try to reserve that for shit I REALLY like.
More than all of that. I've found myself missing him just intensely and being once again annoyed when people squabble over the petty shit in life. But in all of my wonderings, I never put him back on earth, as in 'what would he be doing now if he were alive', I've long ago come to terms with the fact that he isn't, but there are days when it seems like I feel his very own mischievous spirit coming through, urging me to speed a few seconds if it makes me feel good, telling me to go ahead and drink that beer just for the hell of it. Things that are so out of character for me, but so him.
Maybe there is something we do or go through that can 'call them back from time to time' and there is always the old notion that just before someone dies they begin to see or feel manifestations from the other side, scary thought I know, but there it is.
I read an article today by an Oprah show writer about whether people believe or not that their long dead relatives, friends or even pets come to walk them to the other side, and I'll be honest some of that freaked me out a bit too, things about how spirits usually manifest in corners really floored me considering the whole year I spent post Steves death with something in the corner scaring me bad enough to sleep with the lights on as a grown woman with 2 small children.
And all I could think once I finished that article was damn good article buddy. but I'm here to tell you, that you don't have to be on your way to dying to get a visit.