Saturday, January 14, 2006

In 2005

In 2005 I learned quite a few things.

At the first of the year in 2005 I wrote a post about a couple of friends I had originally started using my web log for anyway. I began the year in a new mood, a mood that was determined to stop wasting time. Part of this post is also going to be quoted directly near the end of my book that I am patiently awaiting an edited version of.

Read the post here to understand more

At the end of the post itself I made a promise. Not a resolution and not an idea. I said at the end that this was my year to quit wasting time. I really had only the faintest of ideas of what that might entail. I knew I had been toying with the idea of making one major text file or word pad of my thoughts and blog post on the deaths of 3 young guys that I once knew and will always love. I never really considered anything beyond making the file for my own personal use. The hidden results of that post changed the world I had been living in for over 12 years. Someone emailed me a reply to that post and in the end what I got was well... it was an amazing fucking story full of death and pain and power and peace. It was a story of losing love and gaining a soul. From that one post a lot of things that had led me up to writing the personal file had all come to make sense. Suddenly in one quick moment I had much more meaning to my life. When people say things like 'I want to know why am I here?' and 'What lesson should I have learned from this?' they usually never gain a satisfactory answer to any of those questions. In that one single moment I got all those answers. Once I added the last part of the story to the real life autobiography the story became what I believe to be pretty gripping one. I am satisfied with 2005. I vowed to quit wasting time and I did.

I am starting to get more and more excited about this book about to be put into print. But as I anticipate any changes a nice selling book will bring to my life, I still stop and consider first that what is imporant is that it may change the life of someone else. I guess thats why I havent gotten any full blown insane excitement over the $$ prospect of it yet. I really just cant wait to see what the editor is hacking off of it!


Kerry said...

you go girl! ^5's!!! hell yeah!

Tiamat said...


Writing a book is a deeply personal endeavor. Most people will never understand the agony, anticipation and vulnerability of the writer. I applaud you for pressing on and look forward to reading your work. As Kerry said, hell, yeah!

Azathoth said...

The book was excellent sweetie. Be proud of yourself, just like I am with you.

Dan said...

I'd really like to talk with you again some time. It's been a while.

Azathoth said...

Hey you, hope everythings ok. I miss you.