Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Redhead H8

So I did a little research and found out a few interesting things about redheads. While most may laugh at these assumptions and such, I remain confused. Not in a blond kind of way, but in an angry frustrated, gimme a baseball bat so I can show you how red my hair is kind of way.

"Oxford researchers believe that ALL redheads inherited the gene from European Neanderthals. Based on rate of gene mutation, Oxford says the redhead gene appears to be much older than Cro-Magnon man in Europe. The accepted explanation is that the Celtic tribes had a strong remnant of Neanderthal blood caused by Cro-Magnon/Neanderthal interbreeding."

Ok wtf...so its not bad enough that Im devil spawn, now Im inbred before inbreeding was so popular? And a cromag girl to boot.... Brb, checking my forehead for cranial lumps and protrusions!

"While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats." MARK TWAIN "

Ok Mark Twain 1 - Oxford Researchers 0

"If you want trouble... find your self a redhead."

Ok I dont know who said that but that SOB is a dirty bastard, hes right, but still a dirty bastard.

"Natural redheads make up only 2 percent of the U.S. population. The country with the most number is Scotland with 13 percent, followed closely by Ireland at 10 percent."

Great, just what I needed, to stand out...

"Most hair stylist can tell you, redheads have some of the thickest hair, not the most number of strands but the thickest. An average head of hair has about 100,000 strands. Redheads average 900,000; blondes 120,000."

Great, even better... so I stand out and have a huge red afro.

"Red hair has not always been a good thing. During the "Mid-Evil Ages" thousands of redheads were burned as witches simply because of hair color."

And we know from previous research that when they went to hunt them down, they sure as hell didnt have a hard time finding them.

"Britain's Queen Elizabeth I, historians say, was the first to make the hair color popular, though we know it has been around at least 3,000 years because of redheaded mummies found in China."

Oh neat! Wait, I know history. History says that around 1000 B.C. the mongols (Asians) made a habit of trekking to what is now Ireland and Scotland to STEAL redheads because there was a myth that they held unnatural powers that could make a person immortal. But once they got them there, found them to be powerless, they tortured them to death. Thanks to ancient times that they only got to snatch a few here and there. Just imagine how many dead redheads they would have found if they had those snazzy double decker buses back then.....

And last but not least. I found this interesting tidbit that Bruce Springsteen ranted out an unknown amount of time ago....

"Man, you ain't lived
Till you've had your tires rotated
By a redheaded woman"



BM, The Necessary Movement said...

red heads are cool. i once smashed my finger with a hammer (not on purpose) and it turned red. This may not make any sense now but it's a valid story.

Joy said...

Im willing to bet it was Bruce Springsteens fault.

BM, The Necessary Movement said...

Your deduction is impeccable, the Boss is always at fault!!

Azathoth said...

Personally I think it's great you have red hair. Everyone's differant from everyone else in some way, yours is just more noticable. Also, there's nothing wrong with being a Cro-Mag. It was a nickname for me and several friends of mine in collage.