I am pondering the connections here. I think I realized about 24 hours ago what had been disturbing me so long. Maybe its just my nature I suppose but I finally decided.. the relationship Ive been dealing with and acting so freaky about has held one single meaning for me.
I wanted a relationship that I could enjoy, appreciate and without the demands of love as some type of justification. No ones well meaning but otherwise moralistic values being pushed into my freedom. I got to admit, no matter what happens from today on.. that I got to enjoy something that most people will not get to or never allow themselves to.
I know that from the most simple to the massively complex types of intelligence, there is wisdom in experiencing things abstract from the usual as it opens up possibilites that you have yet to dream of.