Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Why Me?

I know anyone looking at this title and knowing how my last week has went would think Im pitying myself again. Im not. Im actually wondering why people like me, or want to be my friend, or want to help me. I feel blessed and cursed all at the same time. Cursed in life but blessed in the people who surround me.

So enough of the poor me shit right now. I just wanted to get it typed in here before I pass out that I appreciate all you do. All the talking and comforting you do with and for me. I dont know what I did to deserve it. Probably nothing. But I think Im sleeping tonight with not such a heavy heart because I know that even if the people I run into daily, face to face, wont be there for me then I always have you guys. Here, IM, email. On a night when I would have laid on my dads couch grinding my teeth against the world, I get to lay down, smile through my tears, and know that if worst comes to worst, then I have the best of the best here for me, just when I need them the most.

I was waiting until tomorrow @ 5pm to see what was going to happen. I already know. He had the order extended by 14 days. But instead of raging through my tears, Ill just remember that there are people here for me, to get me through all of this. Ill try to remember always. Its desperately hard, but Im trying. For me, but a lot for you too. Its easy to disappoint myself. Its not so easy to disappoint those who know I have the ability to stand above this mess. Thanks to you for your faith in me, when I no longer have it.

2 comments:

Dan said...

Why you?

I couldn't rightly tell you why. Being someones friend doesn't always make sense. I'm not going to toil over those thoughts though. Friends make my day brighter on a daily basis, they're just good to have around.

As long as you realize i'll be there in any means capable to my situation, thats all that matters.

Anonymous said...

We all need some help from time to time. No man(woman) is an island. If you try to become an island, you will fail. I know, I have tried. Sometimes you have to believe that everything happens for a reason, and that the hard times truly do make you a better, stronger, more capable person in this sometimes cruel and worthless existence.
I know you, and I do not know you. I know things about you, and I know absolutely nothing about you.

I know what it takes to be a friend, yet I have no idea how to be a friend.

Some people may say that I should not worry about what happens to other people, or a friend or an acquaintance. That we all have problems, and that there are many friends in this world. That we help when we find it convenient, and avoid the bad times, for life is too short to dwell on problems. Move on to the next friend, and have a good time.

That may be fine for some. Others may have many friends and many good times.

I do not. I know a lot of people. A lot of people know me. But I do not have a lot of friends. I can count them on one hand, and I can always count on them. I consider myself very lucky to have these few friends.

You happen to be one of the few. We have no history. We have never actually met. I have never touched you, or lain eyes on you. But I want very much to be your friend.

And I would never impose upon you to ask for anything in return.

Please know that if you need help, I will give it. If you need a push, I will give it. If you need a friend, I will give it. if you need a shoulder, I will give it.
And I will never ask anything in return, because that is the meaning of a friend.

You will overcome this challenge. I will help if you want. And I will stand silently in the corner and applaud your efforts, no matter the outcome. I will never judge, good or bad, right or wrong. I will just be there.

Spikefeather
Defender of the Weak, Champion of Truth