I still have no idea what I want. I joked with a friend yesterday that women, no matter the age or situation never really figure out 100% what they want. I said it jokingly, but its not a joke to be honest. Im no tittering little girl, I know the difference between lust and love, relationships and acquaintances.
Noithing has ever come close to the satisfaction I achieve when Im near Kt. Yet nothing feels quite so empty as having to walk away, over and over. Last night while laying with Kt I told him he was sweet. He asked me what that was supposed to mean. Lol. Men are freaks. It means hes sweet. Better then me calling you a dick right? was my reply.
While at the Shenendoah yesterday several people entered the bar and came right to me to greet me. The bartender laughed and said "Is there anyone that doesnt know you?" It got me thinking. I suppose there are people who dont know me. I guess those are the lucky ones.
Right now, Id welcome death. Embrace it. Ive done irreversible damage to those who thought it safe to love me. Nothing is safe around me. Nothing.