Monday, December 06, 2004

Outside

This song is beautiful to me. Its possible its because its been the 'story' of my life. This touches me, I hope you go download the song if you arent familiar with it. The acoustic version is incredible.

And you
Bring me to my knees
Again
All the times
That I could beg you please
In vain
All the times
That I felt insecure
For you
But I leave
My burdens at the door
But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside your ugly
Your ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

All the times
That I felt like this won't end
Was for you
And I taste
What I could never have
It's from you
All the times
That I've tried
My intentions
Full of pride
But I waste
More time than anyone
But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside your ugly
Your ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

All the times
That I've cried
All this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel
All this pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie
Here in bed
All alone
I can't mend
But I feel
Tomorrow wil be OK
But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside your ugly
Your ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you



Thats what he had. Thats what he gave up. His loss. Im done. Moving on. And I feel good about it. I decided that the first day of 2005 I will make a resolution. The only one Ive ever made. When I promise myself something, I am forced to stick to it. Ive never failed, thus the fear in making them. The laziness.

My new years resolution will be to remove all the fake people from my life. To get rid of the sell outs. If you cant be real, you cant be my friend. Im going to take what I want from 2005, instead of kindly waiting for it. Instead of being the compassionate, respectful one, Im going to demand it up front, or Im not wasting my time with another soulless individual.

6 comments:

Azathoth said...

As I've said before, Be strong Be free and Be yourself. This world doesn't give handouts, it doesn't appologize, and it's not nice. We must forge our own place and take care of our own hearts. You are Joy, and it's a pretty damn good thing to be.
I like the song, but prefer the electric version.

Angry Nice guy said...

Sounds familire, who sings it?
Sorry that you have so many souless people in your life. I can't vouch for everyone, but I know several people who have twisted souls so I can kind of relate. If all they bring is sorrow and pain your better off without them.
Also, don't wait for New Years, start your resolutions today. New Years is just a man made point of renewal. In our lives everyday can be a new start if we want it to.

Marcella said...

right on! i have the exact same attitude about this coming year. and right now. and that's a big change for me. no more bruised wallflower, taking what i'm given and putting up with it when its total crap. i'm ready to get out there and make it all happen. time to take control of my own life.

hehe, i had a moment, sorry. ;-)

Joy,it sounds like you've been through absolute hell, the kind that would break most people. it also sounds like you're more than getting through it, you're overcoming it. not everyone is capable of that. not everyone finds that inner strength, or it comes too late. i don't even know you, but you are cool beyond words. :-) you sound like a 'survivor' that will even break out of that. from the few that are able to really be 'survivors' there emerges a few 'transcenders.' you sound like that's where you're heading.

awesome. a real woman. i wish you a glorious 2005!

BM, The Necessary Movement said...

Great resolution!!! Can't go wrong there!

Gama said...

I too, been to rought times, there's no way to describe how some people think the world it's just for them.
They don't think about other people's feelings.

Joy said...

Az, as always, you are right. Scary a bit how much alike we seem to be. Your blunt advice does stick in my head when Im out pondering stuff.

The song is Outside by Staind Angry Nice Guy. It is a great song. Im betting you would like it if you havent heard it already. And you are right about the New Years. I started my resolution today. The post is up and its sequel will be incoming.

Marcella..
I read your reply shortly after you put it in but I must reply in kind now that I have the time. I truly hope that you can keep your personal resolution too, Id be more then glad to help in anyway I can offer support from web junkie to web junkie :p Very honestly and candidly... when I read the post I had spent a lot of the day crying, fearing the loss of a friend, being disappointed in myself. Beating myself down miserably. Your compliment was incredible. I got to stop thinking about my weakness of the moment to realize I am a strong person once again. You nailed me hard with the survivor comment. Ive always hated that term, I dont want to be a survivor of something bad that happened to me at some time or another. I am above and beyond that.
You called me a real woman. Thats the second time in a few months I was called that. Once by a friend, once by you, a stranger except in this virtual world. Its fair to say my soul rose a little bit at that moment. The kindness and thought it took you to write that truly helped me through the ugliest day Ive had since September.... and trust me, there has been some real ugly ones.
Seriously, you now own a little piece of my heart for that :p

BM, your enthusiasm is so apparent in your type it always makes me giggle a little bit. !!!!

Gama, unfortunately you are right. My biggest problem with any human being is lack of compassion. Without it, your just roaming the earth with a load of selfish assholes.