Monday, December 06, 2004

Somethings arent as they seem

Well thanks to BM I had a hefty set of balls to break out this weekend. I didnt break them out in the fashion I had intended. What I did do is keep my word to myself. I tried to befriend a person who didnt deserve the title. Not even close. You can only say Im sorry for something one time, once is a mistake. A second sorry is useless when its the same thing occuring.

I lost a friend. Not because I did something, but because he didnt value our friendship enough to show it, for the last time. Im sad in my heart that its over. And even more sadly, he doesnt even know it.. yet. It feels bad, but Ive felt much worse. Hes gone, but hes not dead. Thats the only thing I can think of to be thankful about him at the moment.

So on I trudge. Ill be doing more roofing this week. Yes roofing, hard ass work on an ugly roof in one of the worst neighborhoods in this city. But Ill be doing it with a stronger spine.

One chapter in my book of Foolishness is over. The next one begins soon Im sure.
Hating yourself is a lonely feeling. But to be honest, Im glad Im alone while Im feeling it.

My mother is in intensive care at the hospital. Tomorrow I go to see her. There is not one soul in my life that is there to comfort me through this. She doesnt have long.. and we all know it. And when does finally go to the Heaven she calls home, there will be no one there who's shoulder I can cry on.

Thank God for Mickey. He is a better friend to me then any I have living in my area. And family.
Im trying to remind myself to be thankful for that, but right now, its very hard.

Bye, K.A. it was nice knowing you.


BM, The Necessary Movement said...

I am sorry for all the stress you are experiencing out here. Just remember all of us here care about you. Even though we have never met. We are still your pals and care for ya. Keep your chin up and hope your Mom gets well soon.

Gama said...

I hope yur mother is doing much better.
I'm here for you, praying for your mom.

Azathoth said...

Once is an accident, twice is stupidity. Losing a friend is hard. Having a friend change is also hard. Sometimes they become someone you can't be friends with.
I'm sorry about your Mom. I'm not a believer so prayer is out, all I have to offer is someone to write to and someone who'll listen and care. You have my e-mail, use it if you need it.