Lost and Found

Damn its about time but I finally got in touch with Kelley. She is still about 200 miles from me but damnit if Ill go back to Va without seeing and hugging her.

I cant wait!!!

Bar

Had a killer time last night in downtown Orlando. Its been a long time since I was in a club that big. It was called Bar Orlando and the atmosphere was killer. Thanks BIG TIME to Mike for showing me one of the best times Ive had in a few years.

This really is a great city.

Florida

Hungover

Thats all I can say at the moment.


Ugghh

Vacation!!!!

Today will be the last post I make until I get to Florida and can get on my friends PC there.

I will be grabbing a plane from Roanoke Airport and flying with a layover in Atlanta, to Orlando Florida!!

Hope everyone takes care and Ill see ya when Im in Florida!~~~

Bike week, Key West, and then off to Amsterdam~~~~


Ill bring you all something back :P

I wanted to leave you with a excerpt of a lyric from one of my old favorite songs. Its got a lot of meaning within it, but it can be different for each person.

If you feel alive
In a darkened room
Do you know the name
of your solitude?

If you aint got the answers
If you dont know the truth
If you want the power
Then let it flow through.

Would you let it go?
Would you let it go?
They cannot end this mourning of my life...
Show me how the Gods kill.

I

Beer, party, tired.
Weak, sleepy, liquor.
How did I get to here?

Yawning, restless, awake.
Beaded sweat, thirsty, no.
Grinding, throbbing, pulse.

Quit feeding me, I must drink the juice alone.



*No idea wtf*

Lost Terrell Owens Head - Update

Well, last night I got to find out the fate of the Head at hand. Terrell Owens head, a sports figurine head that I took off with a 9 iron, and purposefully left at Kts so that Cd would see it and know how I felt about him and his little game.

Kt said that Cd had come over the other night. Ok touchy situation here but I had to ask.

"Did he see the head?"
"I dont know"
"Well I know one thing, had he seen that head, you would have known"
Lots of laughter from Kt.
"Where is it?"
"Its over there on the dresser, I was trying to get his helmet off yesterday"

Rofl

Ok, we are both very evil evil people.

Powerstruggle 201 - Train the Trainer

Really, what is it about me that has made every man Ive ever been with long term, meaning 2 years or more, want to power struggle with me. Tip the scales, break me down, gain advantage, gain control and overrule me?

I know one thing, there is nothing about the way I treat anyone, like or dislike, that makes it seem like a good idea or thing to do.

I have no idea why the ego mania power struggle. I do not try to 'rule' anyone or anything, besides myself nor do I expect anyone to try to dictate to me anything.

In light of the above, I, with the help of a friend whom I will be seeing in Florida in ONE WEEK NOW!@!@! I figured out that it likely is the free roaming nature of just running off to Florida for 20 days, that perhaps, intimidated Cd to become what he apparently is now. I dont think my judgement was that off. I think something bothered him. That seems like it to me. So hes paying me back, I guess he took it personal.

But to be honest, there is still only one man I actually married, so if anyone on earth I felt I had to listen to it would still only be to the one I promised to love, honor and obey. That just because of the fact that even though I am quite godless, or free of organized religon, I did take those vows seriously. To the bitter end.

So what makes guys want to control a chick? Change her, break her spirit etc, take away from her what they loved about her the most to begin with? I truly want to understand. This isnt a ME, issue. I didnt just watch it done to me, but to likely at least a hundred female relatives or friends as well. It IS a pattern there I believe.

3 Odd Links

I wanted to post 3 links I have saved to my I.E. Fav's. Sometimes I dont even remember how they got there but they are usually always good.


Bless you
http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2005-01-28&res=l

Charlie Daniels - Disturbing, Has sound
http://www.charliedaniels.com/

GIS - Scares the hell out of those "They are watching us" fanatics
http://gis.roanokegov.com/viewer.cfm?Title=City%20of%20Roanoke

I can find any house in Roanoke using this system. A friend once doubted it when I told him on the phone and I was like "So who's red truck is that out there in your driveway" Hes one of those out to get us peeps too. Scared the fuck out of him.

Jokers to the right...

I didnt hear back from Cd today. But as I was sitting here reading and posting in various blogs around the net, I seen his truck go up the damn street! That was at around 11:30 pm or so.

Jokers, stalkers, whatever...

Lol cant men just say wtf they want? Does it always have to be game?

Cocaine Drama

[21:34] Joy: dudes are so criminal and shit
[21:34]  : dont give me that shit!
[21:34] Joy: lmao
[21:35] Joy: they are man
[21:35] Joy: dude is evil
[21:35]  : women suck!
[21:35] Joy: he says.. cory asked who gave me a ride to work today...
[21:35] Joy: i was like uhh.. umm... yeah?? he said far as he knows kelly took me
[21:35] Joy: i was all .. oooh.. damn thanks love u. kkthx2u
[21:35] Joy: meat stick wins
[21:35]  : i cant believe you talked to her though
[21:35] Joy: yeah a lot
[21:36]  : why
[21:36]  : alot
[21:36] Joy: cuz of all the coke prolly
[21:36]  : your a traitor
[21:36] Joy: lies dude
[21:36] Joy: i did not traitorize u
[21:36] Joy: im the only person there that didnt u fewl
[21:36] Joy: lil bitch
[21:36] Joy: i should have now
[21:36]  : everyones fucking traitors
[21:37]  : i dont care
[21:37] Joy: lies
[21:37]  : im used to it
[21:37] Joy: i had no reason to traitortize u
[21:37] Joy: i told her all i knew about u i knew from talking to you myself.. so she coudnt really tell me much that i didnt know.. that i wanted to know
[21:37] Joy: u c
[21:37] Joy: it kind of shut her up and made her all jealous at once
[21:37] Joy: im the reason she called u u bastard
[21:37]  : but you coulda smacked her
[21:37]  : or something hostile
[21:37] Joy: dude
[21:38] Joy: i was hostile to her a bit
[21:38] Joy: she was all... tryin to . .i dunno
[21:38] Joy: game over me
[21:38] Joy: u know what i mean?
[21:38]  : no
[21:38]  : lol
[21:38] Joy: shes like..
[21:38] Joy: im all smart etc etc ble ble.. women are highly intimidated by women older then them
[21:38] Joy: so she was already lookin fewlish just talkin the shit to me
[21:38]  : wtf lol
[21:38] Joy: damn man. ok
[21:38] Joy: game rules
[21:38] Joy: women rule
[21:39] Joy: women older then you rule you
[21:39] Joy: that is all
[21:39]  : i know this
[21:39] Joy: ok so
[21:39] Joy: game was
[21:39]  : shes a year younger than me
[21:39]  : and she needs to grow up
[21:39] Joy: she all tried to talk to me as if.. and i was like.. no way, i know what i know and i dont wanna hear your side.. yo
[21:39]  : im not messing with younger girls anymore
[21:39] Joy: and then it was like.. oh.. no.. she pwned me
[21:39] Joy: see
[21:40] Joy: she didnt talk to me much after that
[21:40]  : but she fucked me over you shoulda smakced her
[21:40]  : your my friend!
[21:40] Joy: hahah
[21:40]  : dude
[21:40]  : really
[21:40] Joy: dude.. i havent even seen u on here in years
[21:40]  : she threatened to throw my shit out on the street
[21:41] Joy: she did try to pwn u and i shut her the fuck up
[21:41] Joy: no shit
[21:41]  : she called me like....you dont get this shit out tonight its on the street
[21:41] Joy: well see i didnt know wtf happened.. i might have smacked her had i known that shit
[21:41] Joy: i would have at least raged
[21:42] Joy: dude.. had i known she threw your shit out id have said something
[21:42] Joy: cuz at least even pecker neck didnt toss my shit
[21:42] Joy: u gotta talk to a motherfucker every now and then if you want your old bitches slapped yo
[21:42] Joy: stupid
[21:43] Joy: i already wanted to slap her
[21:43] Joy: a reason would have been grand
[21:43]  : well
[21:43]  : lets seeeeee
[21:43]  : she tells me to get the fuck out one day, 2 days later some gay guy and his roomate move in with her
[21:43] Joy: lmao
[21:43] Joy: wasnt dave was it
[21:43]  : she calls me telling me to get my shit out cause they need the room
[21:43]  : no
[21:43] Joy: cuz that dude had a LOT of coke
[21:44]  : see
[21:44]  : thats what i mean
[21:44]  : they are all fucked up
[21:44] Joy: he gave me so much coke i fixed my pc
[21:44] Joy: so i have to give that dude props
[21:44]  : dave has owed jp money for like a year for $100 LD phone bill
[21:44] Joy: lmao
[21:44]  : jp's been talking shit about him too
[21:44] Joy: well he gave him about 1k in coke that i seen
[21:45]  : they all just talk shit about each other
[21:45] Joy: lmao
[21:45] Joy: ld phone bill
[21:45] Joy: cocaine
[21:45] Joy: all of its hilarious
[21:45]  : wtf is jp gonna do with coke
[21:45]  : he wont even smoke weed
[21:45] Joy: lol
[21:45] Joy: yea.. he does
[21:45] Joy: and from the angle i was sitting
[21:46] Joy: looked like he put it in his nose
[21:46] Joy: but i could be wrong
[21:46] Joy: he could have been eating it

Mmm Candy

This one kills me. I joke about it, say it all the time. I wish I had a bag of these fucking things and I dont even like the taste.

Clowns to the left of me

Well Cd called and the phone ringing woke me up. Apparently I didnt answer it fast enough for him. So no speaky. Im laying 5 dollars on him driving to Kt's to call me from there because he knows Ill answer that one.

I actually did answer this one too, just after staring at it for a sec, pondering answering it, and by the time I did he hung up :p


Dancing to 'Stuck in the Middle'

Happy V Day ~

Im enjoying it so far. Alone :)

My Cousin Mick~

I just have to make this post for my cousin Mick that just left. Mick is by blood my first cousin. That doesnt sound odd to you unless you were adopted as an infant as I was. Around a year old. But from the age of 5 living down the street from me was Chris. And Chris had an older sister named Lynn. Well, for years Mick and Lynn dated. An old best friend of mine Cathy had a thing for Mick sometime back. He was in a serious wreck and she used to tell me of going to visit him and etc. Hes always been around, we have all the same friends. When I say Kt.. well he knows everything about me in such a short time. It is amazing. I am completely living proof that DNA dominates over environment everytime. I was raised in a different more scrict upbringing. Deep christian values were in the house, just not in my mind. I dislike organized religion in every since.
About 4 months ago now I think, I was at Kt's one night when Mick came by. We both knew we were out there, both as I had said, had the same friends. Shared the same close friend in Kt as in Cathy as well. I knew it was him, without even remembering having seen him before. All those years the common friends, the long term girlfriend who lived 3 houses down from mine since I was 5.. we never met. Until Kt's that night 4 months ago.
Even though we didnt really introduce ourselves (we normally dont we are rude I suppose), he was leaving and said his phone number to Kt. I knew the number, it was my Aunt Frances number. The only person I had managed to stay in contact with after the death of my biological mother whom everyone knew as Bug. I spoke up to him then and told him I knew who's number that was. He said "You must be my cousin." I said I thought so.
We share everything about each other with each other. We were working together, but even since then have talked on the phone in long conversations just bullshitting. I know Dal would hate to hear it but Mick is the biggest reason Ive stayed so strong there too. He makes me stronger as a person. Challenges me to challenge myself with things. Never my judge, never my debtor. Ive done shit I never thought Id do. Openly talk to someone about how I felt about them. Being more straight forward. Its hard to imagine myself needing to be, but sometimes its true. Hes already covered my back and watched out for me in this short time then any person ever has. Ive done the same for him.
I appreciate. So I share.
If you do anything for anyone on Valentines day, let them know you appreciate them. In any way. It doesnt matter at all. Taking the time to commend someone on their being, is an amazing feeling. Having someone around that you can bounce anything off of anytime is something to be taken never for granted. For the couples just enjoy each other. And for the single people, well enjoy everybody :p

What the hell V 4.0

Ok. Cd. He still hasnt called me. Thats fine. No closure. FINE. He should have gotten the snail mail yesterday, or maybe tomorrow. But thats ok. I wont answer now if he does call. Now its a battle of wits and strength. Now I get it. Sadly, I will win this one. I hope he seriously hasnt been 'testing' me because he failed miserably, and I suffered lightly.

Ok its not. Its bullshit. I dont care if hes seeing someone else. I dont care if he just thinks Im a crazy bitch whom he doesnt want to speak to again. But GFDIT how do you just do that to someone. Ill tell you. Immaturity. Pay attention Joy! Im learning ok... trying. The only way you can leave someone hanging like that is to have never experienced the loss of someone important to you. Even if you experienced it, you didnt learn from it. Either way. Immaturity. I feel greatful I guess. Im not usually lucky enough to spot the immaturity before the relationship begins. Im damn glad now we didnt cloud up the learning experience of the relationship with sex.

If I need sex, I know where to go. I dont have to attach myself to someone immature just to satisfy a physical need.

gg2me

The Canadian EQ Crew

God I started missing some of the people I played EQ with. We had a group of Canadians, Serafrym, Dulby and a couple of others. Damn but I miss Sera. Even though I was guild leader and tells/private messages were truly a pain in the ass 90% of the time. Sera never ceased to have me rolling.

Click the link for the entire archive page, but this one I had to share right off.






And just remember

I promised

Ok so Ive promised several people several times I would take some recent photos. Get a few more shots of the tattoo's. So here goes a few. The back piece has to wait, I cant see my own back very well, even opposed to what my ex said about me being possessed. I still cant see it with a mirror.

Thought I would share the happy eyes I had today. I dont get them often. And yes, most people tell me I look like Im up to something all the time. Im not... not 100% of the time.




Ok this is the tattoo I have on my upper left breast. Even though you STILL cant see it well, crappy dig cam. It is a black rose that is morphing into a dragon. The stem becoming a tail as it curls up into scales from thorns.



This is the Ankh I have on my ankle



This is proof of previous post of the tattoo that is forever hidden under my hair :p



And the next two are ridiculous looking me, starting to look old but still feel like a 14 year old, and act like it sometimes.

Wet from the shower when I started this post.



Drying out and wrapping this up.



I guess the last pic is almost a look of self satisfaction. Never fear, I dont expect it to last.

Pssst! Secret

When I was around 17 or so I had shaved the sides of my head. Well my hair was always so long that when it hung down you couldnt tell I had half my hair shaved off. But as a Tattoo/Art lover I figured hey, all my art so far are things I feel represent me, roses and dragons etc. But I thought to myself, well, how about a tattoo on the head. At the time I had went from being a number #1 Metallica die hard fan. Then they flipped up on me and started singing like choir boys. So I fell back to my old reliable, Samhain buddy Glen Danzig for some inspirational musical art.



Yep, that is tattoo'd on the left side of my skull. Sure, sometimes it freaks out the hair dressers. But when I do get old and my hair starts thinning, I bet my grandchildren will just love it.

Fellow Bloggers of the Round Table

Click the link.

If you are interested in being added as a blogger on this site please email me your email @ dragoncave@msn.com

I will be doing some major tweaking including neato tags for those who blog there.

Any ideas will help, suggestions?

Angry Nice Guy & Me

Lol dont take this offensively but I known how you have been having a great time lately, and while not being willing to give up that good time, from time to time having self doubts.

But I must say, the night before last I did something I NEVER, EVER, believed I would ever do. I cant help but sit here grinning like a moron about it. It involves a fantasy most humans have, whether they admit it or not. I cant even bring myself to type it, but I know I have some seriously intelligent bloggers around here.

In the end, it meets the suggestion I gave to you if you feel you are getting a bit too attached to your girl. Im not the type to give biblical or sometimes even moralistic advice. But Id advise you to try it, just to get a break from the stress.
I now regret having knocked T.O.'s head off, but only because doing what I did the night before last, definately means that Im not missing anything in Cd.

Anyone got any idea what I may have done??

My Name and what it means

J	Juicy
O	Orderly
Y	Young
R	Radiant
L	Little
Y	Yummy
N	Normal
S	Skillful
K	Kind
E	Elitist
Y	Young

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Hows this sound?

Instead of the spammer who wrote the thing about the blog off on some of our blogs... Id like to ask if anyone is interested in making a someone community for the bloggers who frequent all of ours.

It seems an easy way to get to one blog addy if have to format. That way everyone you blog with can easily add you again.

I think another plus is that sometimes we want to crawl out of our lil blog holes and rant someone @ random where we know we arent 'clogging' up someone elses blog with stuff thats driving only you crazy at the moment.

I will take care of all the links and invites. And I want to make it clear that I dont mean my bloggers alone, but your bloggers, their bloggers and so on. Not to mention the so many others that can add colorful blogging to the forum right along side the usual. :) I hate webrings really and this woudnt be that kind of sign up spam you to death type of thing. Just a place for us to call home base. Friends should always have a home base right?

Damn, any of you fuckers ever play hide n seek as kids????

Just playin. I want to know everyones thoughts.

So far down

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colors of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

Close the book

Well since Cd never called me back last night I decided it was time to take my own closure instead of waiting around for it.

He gave me a Terrell Owens figurine about 4 weeks ago. Last night I told myself he had until 12am to call. At 12 am, on 3 purple xanax and a 40 oz of THA BULL (yes ew, but i didnt care) I took Mr Owens out into the street along with a 9 iron. And proceeded to accurately use his body as a tee, to take his head clean off. Tonight I will take the head to his cousins house, and prop it up on his coffee table, where I know Cd will see it the next time he goes over there. Maybe this sounds mean, or vengful, but I think leaving someone hanging is far worse. At least when he sees Mr. Owens decapitated head laying on his cousins table. He will get the message.

That is closure for me. Im well done now. Here is a song dedicated to last night, today, and the rest of my life that will be spent without ever talking to Cd again.


Leaves are falling all around,
It's time I was on my way.
Thanks to you, I'm much obliged
For such a pleasant stay.
But now it's time for me to go,
The autumn moon lights my way.
For now I smell the rain,
And with it pain,
And it's headed my way.
Ah, sometimes I grow so tired,
But I know I've got one thing I got to do,

*Ramble On,
And now's the time, the time is now
To sing my song.
I'm goin' 'round the world,
I got to find my girl, on my way.
I've been this way ten years to the day, Ramble On,
Gotta find the queen of all my dreams.

Got no time to for spreadin' roots,
The time has come to be gone.
And tho' our health we drank a thousand times,
It's time to Ramble On.

*Ramble on

I ain't tellin' no lie.
Mine's a tale that can't be told,
My freedom I hold dear;
How years ago in days of old
When magic filled the air,
T'was in the darkest depths of Mordor
I met a girl so fair,
But Gollum, and the evil one crept up
And slipped away with her.
Her, her....yea.
Ain't nothing I can do, no.

*Ramble on

Gonna ramble on, sing my song
Gotta keep-a-searchin' for my baby...
Gonna work my way, round the world
I can't stop this feelin' in my heart
Gotta keep searchin' for my baby
I can't find my bluebird!
I'd listen to my bluebird sing but I can't find my blue bird
A-keep-a ramblin' baby...

Killing with Charm

Standing with my enemies
Hung on my horns
With haste and reverie
Killing with charm
Only happy when you hurt
Only deadly in a swarm
Only healthy in the dirt
Only empty in your arms
I play, I’m sick and tame
Drawing the hordes
I wait, and show the lame
The meaning of harm
The skulls beneath my feet
Like feathers in sand
I graze among the graves
A feeling of peace
Only bending when you break
Only feeding when you’re cold
Only healing when you ache
Only feeling when you don’t

Another Turning Point

Another turning point a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life


Good Bye to another bad moment in life
I wish him the best, but denying me closure I will never forget.

Tryin to make some sense of it all

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
And I'm wondering what it is I should do,
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please.... Please.....

Trying to make some sense of it all,
But I can see that it makes no sense at all,
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor,
'Cause I don't think that I can take anymore
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please.... Please.....

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you,
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
Stuck in the middle with you.

Via Chapdaddy

If there is at least one person in your life whom you consider a close friend, and whom you would not have met without the internet, post this sentence in your journal.

What the hell? V 3.0

Ok I hope this doesnt get long (rolls eyes) but I have to get it out and I must have some kind of help here. When I was 'hangin' out with Cd things were cool. We were friends, playing video games, lounging on the couch. At some point he called me early one more around 2 weeks ago now and I had taken a sleeping pill to get to sleep around 4:30am. I dont remember the conversation well but the next time I spoke to him he had said I had been really rude. Ok, so I called and apologized. And he still doesnt call or talk to me anymore. Holy shit he didnt even call to bash the Eagles loss yesterday.

Fuck this, fuck that, I dont get it. But at 8 pm I am calling him to ask him what is up. Hes probably going to pretend he isnt there or maybe he wont be but we WILL talk.

I hope I dont lose my temper, but I really thought he was better then that. To at least go hey, you were a bitch and it freaked me out so I dont want to talk to you for a while, or ever. For fucks sake why cant men be men. Whenever I tell someone something bluntly in front of my dad he tells me its not very ladylike. What the ever loving fuck does that mean? Because I am honest I must be acting mannish? Cuz thats total trash. I didnt do anything so bad and no matter what at some point you have to say good bye to people either slightly or completely.

I hate it when people say shit like "I dont like good byes"

Wait until you didnt get the chance to say one before you ever think that is the truth. If its over, then Ill say just that. Good bye. This is why I leave no regrets behind. I wont have to wonder years from now what could have been..... for the second time now with Cd. Cut and dried.

Game Over

Ok so Philly didnt win. I wasnt entirely confident that they would. But DAMN, that really was a good game. Better then the last few NE blowouts Ive watched. Both teams had some serious defense going on and the defense from each team was shaking up and beating down the opposing offense.

Im still going to be a loyal fan regardless.

Even CD didnt call to taunt me. I think its past time I speak to him and close that book. I am going to try to call tomorrow when he gets off work to get some kind of closure on the very short friendship we shared. I dont want to, I just feel like its the adult and wise thing to do. No regrets, no wondering what would have happened had I just called. Oh, Ill prolly be mad after the call, but Ill be relieved. Im not the type to live easily when I have unanswered questions.

Sigh @ me

Pennys

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Vacation!!!

On Feb 24th I will be leaving for Orlando Florida. I will be spending 2 weeks there in pure bliss. The bliss will continue on as I take an overseas flight to AMSTERDAM.

Sorry, I had to cap that.

Ok, so its going to be springish tempatures in Florida.....

What the hell is up with Amsterdam? Is it cold there? Snowing ?

wtf

I will be returning, barely tanned and extremely hungover on March 14th!! GO ME!!

Ash

Just for the record.

Ash AKA, Jesse Rodriguez, is the biggest piece of shit liar, deceiver and lazy motherfucker alive.

That is all.
And if he brings his IRC buddies here to talk shit. Well, hes going to get it back 10 fold.

I hate love

I just hate it.
I hate caring.
I hate giving respect where its not due.
I hate dishonorable people.
I hate people who cant speak the truth.
I hate people that leave you hanging.

I hate being sick.

This week, was a hateful week.
I hate it too.