Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Powerstruggle 201 - Train the Trainer

Really, what is it about me that has made every man Ive ever been with long term, meaning 2 years or more, want to power struggle with me. Tip the scales, break me down, gain advantage, gain control and overrule me?

I know one thing, there is nothing about the way I treat anyone, like or dislike, that makes it seem like a good idea or thing to do.

I have no idea why the ego mania power struggle. I do not try to 'rule' anyone or anything, besides myself nor do I expect anyone to try to dictate to me anything.

In light of the above, I, with the help of a friend whom I will be seeing in Florida in ONE WEEK NOW!@!@! I figured out that it likely is the free roaming nature of just running off to Florida for 20 days, that perhaps, intimidated Cd to become what he apparently is now. I dont think my judgement was that off. I think something bothered him. That seems like it to me. So hes paying me back, I guess he took it personal.

But to be honest, there is still only one man I actually married, so if anyone on earth I felt I had to listen to it would still only be to the one I promised to love, honor and obey. That just because of the fact that even though I am quite godless, or free of organized religon, I did take those vows seriously. To the bitter end.

So what makes guys want to control a chick? Change her, break her spirit etc, take away from her what they loved about her the most to begin with? I truly want to understand. This isnt a ME, issue. I didnt just watch it done to me, but to likely at least a hundred female relatives or friends as well. It IS a pattern there I believe.

4 comments:

Azathoth said...

Ok, Personally I hate anyone who trys and control anyone else, it's petty and stupid. But I have looked into why some men feel the need to try to dominate and control thier women and this is what I've come up with:

Most men were raised in a large part by thier mothers. This means that for a large part of thier lives they had a women who told them what to do, took care of them, and also punished them. As they get older they want to express thier coming of age by proving that they no longer need supervision and that they can take care of themselves. Upon getting a girlfriend they feel that if they do not exert thier control over them then they will look week and small. They are insicure and feel that only by being bossy or overprotective can they make themselves feel like it's the women who needs them instead of the other way around, or even instead of a joint partnership. Far too many women will allow this type of thing because they were rasied to be docile and 'homemakers' because thats what they are brought to believe, that a women can be juged by the house she keeps. Its the old roles of men as the provider and head of the household crap.

Sad to be honest, but it's unfortunatly very widespread.

Jay said...

Joy,

I don’t know about others but I never dated girls younger than me. My ex is 8 years older.

From I was young I used to date older ladies in which I found them to be more mature, loving and understanding compared to young chicks.

I don’t like to control girls and I hate to see men who love to be in total control.

But something we all know since we were young, MEN LOVE TO BE IN TOTAL ASOLUTE CONTROL of everything. Whether we like it or not, we have to admit that most men love to do that.

So unfortunately, but this is life.

BM, The Necessary Movement said...

Lots of dudes are very dominating. I hear what you are saying. I guess I am pretty submissive in my being. I would rather break up with someone then try to change them. Usually the people who are trying to change the other person are unsatisfied with themselves. Instead of fixing their own problems they worry about the other persons. Just a guess

Joy said...

These are some pretty good explainations. Thanks to Az for the honesty. You are indeed incredibly right. Just as a woman can be judged by the house she keeps, a man is still judged for the work he does. Its sad, but still true in some parts to this day.

Thanks you three for taking the time to explain your reasoning. Because of my nature, which is similar to BM's opinion, I just dont get the trying to control. But the reasonings here have no choice but to make sense.

Thanks guys~