Wow

Wow. I just began to recognize that I have been blogging for a while now. And with that comes the starkly obviously knowledge that even if I don't feel like I am a seriously committment minded person that I do stick with things for more then brief periods of time. One day I may figure out the fine line between committment and responsibility.

I have no problems walking away from a committment, of any type, if it involves drama, heartache or just trouble in general. But call it a responsibility and Im stuck for life.

All the above is only living proof that you will remain confused about certain aspects of yourself, no matter your age, until you address and face them down one by one.

David Allen Coe

You never even called me by my name.....

Download this song its great if you havent heard it yet.


I also hate country, unless its David Allen Coe

Dull Angry People

What is with some people who are the type that can not stand to see others happy. They usually don't act this out randomly in public but I KNOW if anyone reading this has had a few long term relationships that they have likely had this experience.

Look life has handed me some pretty horrific piles of crap in the past. Every man I have been with has been an utter piece of shit, and I mean that in the deepest sense of the words 'utter' and 'shit'. But I dont hate all men because of it, hell I dont even have any hardcore serious trust issues that stem from it. I still give them all equally a chance regardless of their predecessors actions.

But there are people who just cant live without having someone else to make miserable. I dont get that, when I am miserable, I dont want miserable company. Of course I dont want to be crying while someone is cheerleading and asking me if I want to make cookies, but I dont like company in misery. I like someone else to be there standing stronger then I can at that moment.

Why on earth would you want to bring everyone down to the desolate state you are in? Dont you realize that then everyone who surrounds you is weakened and vulnerable too? Who is going to pick you up? Who is going to offer comfort no matter how realistic it is?

Boggled.

Sports, Religion & Politics

Since I am not going to be participating in the family thing this Thanksgiving (personal choice for no reason at all besides just wanting a turkey sammach at home) I figured I would just post here in continuing my efforts to destroy/ruin/fuck-up Thanksgiving.


SPORTS

My team is the best and your team sucks. Thats all there is to it, this is the most simple arguement of the uglies. It doesnt even matter who my team is, or yours either. Its just a fact, get used to it.

RELIGION

Most people who follow organized religion would use a statement VERY similar to the sports statement to describe their own personal religion. And although I can seriously appreciate the sarcasm of that, I cant be that glib about a subject that has caused the slaughter of millions of people for ...ever now. All I can seriously say is 'Come on, isnt thinking that YOUR God is the best, that YOUR God is the 'One' and that anyone elses God is a false idol... .well isnt that just as bloated and egotistical as we are when we say 'This has to be the only inhabitable planet ever in the Cosmos.' If you believe that way then there is little I can say to help you, except for strap on those Nikes and grab a fuckin telescope PLEASE.

POLITICS

Ok Id love to rant on about how much of a helpless monkey Bush really is but more important at this moment is all the soldiers serving the USA all over the world. Bring them home you moron we cant govern the whole world, and FUTHERMORE, they dont want our help. Its their country, let them build it the way they want, or destroy it just the same.

Sigh

Im still here.. still reading all the usual blogs, just been busy with some new things popping up in life.

Ill get to posting again soon :D

Chase and Me and 4am

A friend of mine that logs on to MSN from time to time just kills me. He logs on and we have these absolutely bullshit convos that no one understands and that would likely get us locked up for life for if anyone found them. I am going to share a few pieces of it here because I am bored and tired of laughing my guts out. So if you ever have completely random bullshit convos on IM then you may understand the humor in this. If not, you are missing out.

[04:02] Chase: bunch of wierdos on late
[04:02] Joy: no kidding
[04:04] Joy: all kinds of loonys come out
[04:04] Joy: so how is your big toe?
[04:04] Joy: and is the silverware still talking to you?
[04:05] Chase: forks more than spoons
[04:05] Chase: figure that one out for me
[04:05] Chase: could be the next big book......
[04:05] Joy: hmm
[04:05] Chase: speaking of big books, have you punched oprah yet?
[04:05] Joy: is it telling u to use sporks?
[04:05] Joy: hell no
[04:05] Joy: that wench is one slippery ho

[04:15] Chase: wanna get married?
[04:16] Joy: i swear
[04:16] Joy: we should
[04:16] Chase: i always wanted to marry and up and commer
[04:16] Joy: i dont think anyone else could possibly understand us
[04:16] Joy: i mean
[04:16] Joy: what if they wanted us to stop shanking ppl in the face
[04:16] Joy: Im not willing to change THAT much for someone u know
[04:16] Chase: i don't think the justice of the peace would let us bring a flamethrower to the courthouse though
[04:16] Joy: fuck... man no they dont i seen it on a sign too
[04:17] Chase: may have to get married under mormon law
[04:17] Chase: never read anything about flamethrower hate
[04:17] Chase: on the plus side, i could have like 9 other wives
[04:17] Chase: hopefully none of them bitch, or that would be kinda bad
[04:23] Chase: how the fuck do you catch a drift anyway?
[04:23] Joy: i fell in one once
[04:23] Chase: catch herpes?
[04:24] Joy: not yet
[04:24] Chase: thats good
[04:24] Joy: i knowez
[04:24] Chase: you will when i can kiss the bride though
[04:24] Chase: i'm a big slut
[04:24] Joy: Oh and no punching me in the kidneys during sex
[04:24] Joy: i dont think i like that anymore
[04:25] Chase: this may not work
[04:31] Chase: i have a 5lb sledgehammer for divorces


[04:49] Chase: you don't make the leap from middle school girls to porn stars
[04:49] Joy: they dont see the benefit of having three arms either i guess
[04:49] Joy: how else can a man drink a beer.. hold the remote and whack it
[04:49] Chase: where is the third arm coming from?
[04:49] Joy: straight out the chest
[04:49] Chase: oh that one is easy, get married
[04:50] Chase: either the whack it or the beer
[04:50] Chase: lord knows a woman can't handle a remote

9/11 Prepare to be Politically Pissed

First I do want to say that I do remember and honor those who lost their lives on that tragic day in our worlds history. I want to make it clear that this post has no ill intentions towards the families of those lost, nor the soldiers and the families who have suffered the same losses since this horrible day.

I am going to make it clear though and I hope that this will reach at least one person not living in the USA in effort to make them understand that if you think US Citizens blindly follow their governments lead then you likely haven't spent more then one day in the country, or one hour reading its thoughts and feelings on this whole fuckin' mess.

On September 11th 2001 I was at work at Maple Leaf Bakery. I was doing some sneaky IRC'n from my computer when someone online told me to get to a T.V. quick. I ran to the conference room and cut on the television where I immediately seen WTC 1 on fire. Not being an overly emotional person I was shocked to feel tears on my face. The pictures by then were just of the first building burning and the reporters were already crying and cowering because the first people had just started jumping from the buildings. As opposed to a lot of thick minded Americans my first thought wasn't 'we should kill who did this to us' but 'we did this, we did this to ourselves.' No I dont mean that the people in the WTC and the Pentagon were responsible. I mean each and every one of us was responsible. We had all grown fat and complacent in our security. We, as a country, who twenty years before had questioned our governments every move, had given up like tired little soldiers when it came to fighting for the truth. Oh, there were still some fighters out there, but as a nation we had just said 'fuck it, let them handle it' and did nothing to demand answers from those we place in office here. I was never a patriotic person because of this and short of feeling a sense of pride in my FELLOW MAN, I still to this day am not the patriotic citizen posterchild for the USA.

Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies.
W. L. George

Immediately I realized that my boss, the only one I had ever really liked and even loved would be on a plane today. I recall people slowly filing into the conference room behind me. No one spoke, they just watched. As we were watching just then the second plane hit WTC 2. A man behind me cried. The phone rang and we all looked at it as if it were a hissing cobra. I am sure we all had the same thought then, was it Al? Was he ok? No one wanted to answer it, but here we stood, at work, knowing someone had to do it. People were jumping out of 100 story windows to avoid burning alive and we were scared to answer the damned phone. That same sick feeling that I had felt when I turned on the T.V. moments ago had intensified in the pit of my stomach. A country so strong built on the backs of the weakest. God? Are you there? I didn't think so just checking though..

Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.
Edward R. Murrow (1908 - 1965)

"Joy? Are you guys ok there?" It was Al, and he was safe. He was stuck in Vegas because of the grounded planes. Thank God, thanking a person I never thanked for preventing a tragedy that never would have happened. So maybe someone was there....

I will never forget that day and the things I seen that were not on the T.V. I remember the grocery store being so eerily quiet and devoid of the things that were usually only gone when a snow storm crept up. No bread, no milk. I remember that even the children I seen that day after work were all extra quiet. They seemed to know that silence was the motion of the day. I remember sitting in my car at a redlight, listening to the radio with tears rolling down my face and looking at the car to my left and seeing an older man doing exactly as I was, grieving. I remember the air force jets that blasted back and forth overhead that day, breaking the sound barrier and little pieces of our patriotic little American hearts each time they flew by. I remember spending a lot of time glaring at the sky, waiting for my own personal last moment and wondering what form it would take. This was war.

You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

When the first plane hit of course at first we all thought it was just a horrible accident. As the second hit, we knew it wasn't. It wasn't long after the second plane hit that we all began milling around, finding excuses for not working, turning people with appointments away because of the impacting things we had just seen. And then I thought, this is why we are at fault. In the blaring face of the tragedy, it was so much easier to ignore then to watch. This is how we got here in the first place.

A diplomat... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Caskie Stinnett

Then the other things I witnessed, things that gave me an ounce of faith in my country for just a fleeting moment. People helping each other, empathy in the eyes of people strangers to us. That look that said 'if you need me I am here,' that we all gave each other while being still wary of who the enemy may be. Teenage boys with mohawks and chains helping an old lady to her car with her groceries and everyone watching knowing that they WERE helping her, not robbing her. Such tragedy that led to a short-lived newfound peace, but a peace I have yet to witness again and hope never to again if it only follows horrors upon horrors.

Of course in the days, the weeks that followed I randomly joined in the fray with the other bloodthirsty Americans that wanted retribution for this horror. Someone is responsible, lets find them and see that they 'come to justice'. Which in US-English means KILL THEM, DESTROY an EYE FOR AN EYE. So in the early days of the war we were all just as blinded by the excuses that were hoisted at us. We ALL enjoyed hearing about the bombings, the revenge, the loathing of the group of people responsible. And it took a few years and a lot of dead soldiers to begin to change the minds of the biggest hunters of retribution in the USA.

Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of. Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Now five years later, we have lost more soldiers to this 'war on terrorism' then we did in the act itself. We have divided our own country more deliberately then the terrorist did on that day so long ago by having to choose our sides. The side that gives and saves lives or the side that seeks oil and profit. Come on, I am not a bleeding liberal nor am I a tight-assed republican, I am just human, but this human sees something behind this war that shouldn't ever have come into play. There were body parts all over the ground at the WTC site the day of the attacks and I am quite sure they resemble a lot of the parts that mothers and fathers, husbands and wives are getting back in nice little pine boxes covered in American flags daily from the Mid-East. And thats just bitter old lazy ass us. The same US that sat around not giving a fuck until some radical assholes stole some of our planes and used them to kill our citizens. What about the people who are caught in the crossfire of this 'war on terrorism'? Crossfire includes Iraqi civilians. Crossfire includes our own youth who are missing key parts of their own families to this war.

We are the people our parents warned us about.
Jimmy Buffett

Dont even fuckin tell me that in a world where I can get online even out in the fuckin stix and use a GIS system to see if my mother is home 30 miles away, that we can't find, pin-point and 'bring to justice' the people directly responsible for this mass murder, that we dont know where the hell a few terrorist are lurking. I am getting sick and fucking tired of hearing about how 'we spotted Bin Laden today but lost him as he ran into the mountains of Pakistan' when our military intelligence is likely surpassed by no country on earth. I bet if I looked hard enough, I could probably find a live fuckin feed of Bin Laden and Bush having dinner in a bunker somewhere and toasting each other with barrels of oil. Keep feeding us that bullshit while we watch soldiers brought home in body bags for just simply doing their jobs. Keep acting like this all about exacting revenge when its about continuing the Bush Family Legacy.

Keep up the ignorance America, your government is depending on it.

A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
Bob Edwards

JFC WTF

GOD Ill be so glad when summer is over. I dont know why I just think it sucked balls this year. I love the fall so I am looking forward to it, and yes I am even looking forward to the damn freezing ass cold winter... but as for the summer.... welp, it was just lame this year. Lame, Lame, Lame.

In other news

Weman still sux irl

Book Sales

Well, at the end of August my first royalty check for my book sales will be sent out. I am anxiously awaiting.

In other news

Weman sux irl

Happy B-Day

Happy B-Day Mike!

Ok thats my son, today is his *gulp* 17th birthday. And while even saying or typing that in makes me feel old there is a lot to be said here. He is already 2 years older then I was when he was born. We have done a lot of growing up together. When he was in Kindergarten I was in college, we did our homework together every night. Although he likely doesn't even believe it, I am proud of him in a way only parents are of their children. He doesn't have to do anything, he doesn't have to get straight A's in school and he doesn't need some phenomenal accomplishment for me to say that. I am just proud that he is my son, and that we have made it this far together. He may still not like me very much, as I have never taken the 'my child is my friend' attitude. He is not my friend, not yet anyway. When he is 18, we can start being friends. Until then, I am his mother, I do not allow any disrespect and maybe twice in his life he has attempted it. Which reminds me of something that happened not long ago that makes me smile and is another reason for my pride in him. I have been an unbelievably strict parent. I guess it goes back to feeling like I did not bring children into the world to destroy it, or to make it more miserable. If they can't add something to it, I hope they will not injure it. But it has caused more then one round of major fighting in our short time together so far. One story makes me grin no matter what.

We were riding in the car and although I can't remember what the argument was about in particular, we were disagreeing on something trivial I'm sure. And although he has always been allowed freedom of speech, if that freedom causes disrespect thats where we bash heads. Bash heads is a little far out there, more like a one sided head butt while the other person glares. So I am pissed and he is rambling and the conversation ended like this. I believe he was 15 at the time.

Mike: You don't even know me!
Joy: Don't know you? DONT KNOW YOU? You are ME how could I not know you???
Mike: What do you mean?
Joy: Only a blind person, or a child wouldn't see that we are exactly alike. When we are around other people in the family or just my friends WE are the only ones that even understand what we are saying. You have the same temperment and personality that I did at your age. Hell Michael, you cant even walk past me with candy in your pocket without me knowing. Just get over it.
Mike: This is BULLSHIT

Tires screech to a halt on the pavement. Mikes eyes get huge, he immediately starts apologizing. (not that I dont have entirely foul language, not that I dont know where he got it from, not that I blame him for using it in that moment, but I am his mother and he knows better then to talk to me that way or curse even NEAR me. To this day the foulest thing I've ever heard him say was "You know, after a certain time of night they can say 'shit' on tv and get away with it)

Joy: Ok well look. I really want to be pissed at you and I still am because you dont know what the hell you are talking about, but son, that took balls, big balls and it proves that you have a mind of your own. I'd never punish you for that so quit apologizing.
Mike stares, he doesn't trust what I am saying.
Joy: No, you cant say that kind of thing to me, and I DONT like it nor do I appreciate it. But I would have said no less, likely worse. Congradulations, you are growing up and learning that things can suck sometimes. Even if its just something as simple as being referred to as being just like your mother.
Mike sighs.

I go home and go to my bedroom and have a great big laugh. He is me, he doesn't like it, but its the truth.


I love you Michael

Messin around with EQ shit

Sorry Dan I know you are going to scream when you see EQ on here but here goes

Its time!!!

If you are interested in purchasing my book then visit www.publishamerica.com and do a search for Cover Me. Or you can call about any local bookstore and order it delivered to a location near you!!

Of course any bloggers I will be glad to sign a copy for, once you purchase the book send me an email at dragoncave@msn.com and I will give you the information to send me the book \. I will sign it and return it to you!

Thanks again to the wonderful people who kept me blogging and kept me thinking without giving up hope. It really has meant everything in completing this book and seeing through to the end :)

The hard part

Well here comes the hardest part for me. The book is set to be released in 2 more days and I now have to go to each of the parents of the boys I wrote the book about and present them with a copy, and hope that they will feel it did them justice. Questions and concerns just keep rattling me. I know all these parents well too, Steves mom is so sweet and kind hearted, and very sensitive. She will cry, a lot. Robbies Mom and Dad are a bit of a different story. His dad is a bit hardcore while his mom is a bit more reserved but a lot more judgemental. I get the feeling that both of them will look at me with a bit more respect, but still remain wary of my intentions. Then there is Bens mom. I think shes the hardest, she knew me as a little kid too, and a messed up one. She is going to be the hardcore honest one. If she thinks I had no right to say those things she will tell me. The same thing I love her for I fear from her. Its always been that way with Diane. I know its pointless to worry at this point but I dont want any of these parents to feel like 'who the hell is she to write about my child'. I guess I feel that way because all along I have put myself in their shoes and wondered if Id feel the same if someone wrote a book about my deceased child.

Ill just keep telling myself I did it out of love, because thats exactly why I did. I love those boys still to this day and no matter how happy I ever become in my lifetime I will still look forward to the day that I get to see them again. Its more then comforting to know with positivity that I will.

Cupid says Im a bitch!

The Sudden Departure Random Brutal Love Master (RBLMf) Sweet. Dear. Loving. At Gate 18. Final call. You are The Sudden Departure. You've been in a lot of serious relationships. More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. Our guess is that you're a really fantastic girl who doesn't really know what she wants, and you've broken a few hearts as a result. You fall for people easily, and you enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but once you're there, either boredom or the old "grass is greener" syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries. Your exact opposite: The Intern Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer We know you're not the classic "love 'em and leave 'em" type, at least not in a purely sexual sense. You have too many serious bonding tendencies for that. But even though you're theoretically looking to settle down, you don't settle long on one person. "Serial monogamist" is probably something you hear a lot. "Emotionally loose" is another way to put it. To the poor guys eating your dust and sniffing your panties, it doesn't really make much difference. Of course, it's not really your fault that people get hurt. You have every right to move on when you choose. ALWAYS AVOID: The Backrubber, The Gentleman CONSIDER: The Vapor Trail, someone just like you Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: soulhavoc1973

I dont really know that I agree with this although about every boyfriend I have had has said pretty much the same thing, so I guess a better question is this. Is there anything WRONG with being happy not being lured into someone elses life and just celebrating your own?

Hey Calling all Blog Friends for heeeelp!

I know that only a few of you have read my book Cover Me. But for you that have I would be appreciative for the rest of my life if you visit this site.

http://www.publishamerica.com

Do a search in the mid page on the right for Author search.
Type in Authors name as Basham.

In the spot that says write reviews for you opinion on the book. If you dont want to I understand but the help it would give me in promoting the book would be astounding.

Thank you I Love you all in my blogger land.

If you havent read the book yet Ill be glad to send u the word format, but still I would like people to purchase it, even if I have to get it on discount and sell it for virtually nothing

Cover My Book@!

I added a photo of my book cover to my flickr album. I think PA did a great job on it. Let me know what you think!

Cover Me - Finally@!

Ms. Lynskey,

Here's an overview of where things go from here:

Your book will go to the printers today, April 24. From there, it generally takes between 3-6 weeks for the first copies to print. Your book will post on the PublishAmerica site soon after it goes to the printers. Pre-release letters will be sent, and your book can be pre-ordered for delivery as soon as they are printed. The official release date of your book will be June 26, 2006 (although it will be available sooner than that). PublishAmerica provides a cover picture and other pertinent information to the online stores, such as B&N and Amazon. These online stores often have a backlog, so it will be several weeks before you will see your book posted on these sites.

Have a great day!
*********************************

Well! I am off to have a great day. God help the person who tries to ruin it!

Ghetto Dial

I am sorry if this offends, but I feel like I am in the ghetto with my connection here. I cant get on my email, I cant use trillian, I cant use MSN, wtf is the purpose???

Fuck it, I am going to have to plant my own satellite up here before its all over with.

Love You D

Weeeeeeeeee Im connected for now... yipeeee

WEeeeeeEEEeeeeeEEEeeeee

I am all over this now. I have a lot to be doing on the net and no chances lately to do so. So it was time. It might be crawl up right now, which is pityful. But huge things are happening all over and all of them are looking up now!
Book officially was sent to the cover department today at 5pm. So I cant wait to see what they come up with.

Nightzzz

Ohzzzz

I am all over the net on messengers anonymous :p
MSN-Dragoncave@msn.com
AOL-Soulhavoc73
YAHOO-Soulhavoc1973
And omg, I even got old skool shit like ICQ-62512566.

Thanks be to Trillian :D

Nitezs

Cover Me - Living, Loving and Learning through Loss

Ok, so I added a subtitle to the book. Once I began to actually consider the marketing prospect of the book I realized that I needed something that outwardly showed what genre or purpose this book was written for. I actually just re-read my proofs of the book and can now see it in pdf form so that it looks like a real book on the inside. Now we go into the cover process and then it is finally ready for publishing. I guess I am getting a little more excited now, and worried of course. Other things have occured in my life since my last post that are just heartbreaking, but I dont really care to mention them at this point in time. I am sure I will eventually, if I can get over beating myself up over shit.
And Ta-Da! I now have an ISBN number! If you arent familiar with the book world then you have no idea what that is, if you are... good for you! Because tonight I am tying one on with some good friends and about to log off and go do so. Regardless, I am still here, on messenger, on email etc and will finally be able to get somewhat of an ISP since I now have a land line.
See you soon@!

Kewl Kwotes

"When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
Matt Groening.

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one."
Woody Allen.

"When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad."
Helen Rowland

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
Socrates.

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
George Best.

"I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example."
Mick Miller.

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
Hunter S Thompson.


And last but not least....
For some, life can be a real bitch.

Hate to State

I really usually hate to state the obvious but in light of recent events, our local weatherman having overdosed on heroin, half our county being on fire because someone dumped hot woodstove coals out in an already incredibly dangerously dry period, and then there are just the people I know who talk too much, drink too much and just act as if the words class and tact have never been placed in a dictionary or personality anywhere... I must state for the record...

People are wicked crazy and had any of them ever been witness to the old "What comes around goes around" theory they would all likely just climb in a hole somewhere and immediately stfu!@

Sharing the Wisdom

A quote has been stuck in my head for a few months now.

"Peoples action belies their guilt"

I have no idea who said this or where it came from. But I have been going out of my way to observe this. Sometimes someone does something rude, or disrespectful to you. Or perhaps they are just an unfaithful lover. But no matter what the situation or the person they always act out their guilt in an incredible way. Let me give you a an example and maybe tomorrow or 20 years from now you will see this in action yourself, and realize what you are witnessing.

Example
A friend borrows 20 dollars from you.

Innocent Friend: Still comes by. Apologizes for not paying you back yet and is still the same friend you loaned the money to. Honestly intends on paying you back but is having a hard time and sharing that truth with you.
Guilty Friend: Although you usually talk to this person 12 times a day on the phone and they stop by 10 times a week, they suddenly disappear from the face of the earth. This person is feeling guilt. They perhaps knew that they couldnt pay you back when they borrowed the money. If they thought they could, but in the end couldnt, then perhaps it wasnt intentional, but there is a lack of respect in just pretending like nothing is wrong. A good friend will never abandon the friendship, no matter who the responsible party in the break.

Sometimes you just screw up, or even accidentally screw someone over that you really care for or love. It involves shame and guilt and sadness, but in those situations try to imagine how the other party feels. Someone they loved did something to them that makes them feel insecure, or not as much of a friend as they thought. It might be embarrassing, or humiliating, but never be afraid to humble yourself. It will make you something that you wish others would be for you. It will enable you to sleep at night while others toss and turn with guilt. It will make you worthy of being called Friend.

Anxiety and Marketing

Ok I am beginning to get anxious about the release of the book. I have several old issues about it rambling around in my head as well as new ones. Of course the old demon is the most basic. Did I honor the lives of the guys who died enough that I am going to be proud for their parents and families to read it? I really hope so. I am sure that anytime a writer rights about real human lives, thei tragedies and their accomplishments, that we wonder if we are doing then true justice. Only time will tell on that one I suppose. But in the immediate future I am facing another issue. That is, how do I get that book to the people who need to read it. Considering it is a self help or self healing type of book my base intentions are to help others learn through lessons that come from pain and drama they could be free of if just informed, or counseled. And in reality comes the third issue that has plagued me as a writer. Do I hope this makes me a famous writer? Well hell yes, but not if it is destined to forsake the other two former concerns. I suppose I will be taking several copies to local junior high and high schools in the Roanoke Valley and Bedford County. And a very good friend who is a psychologist suggested that I donate copies to the Red Cross as well as United Ways in the locale. When the book is published the publisher will be placing an ad in the Roanoke Times Arts and Entertainment section advertising the book. I know I need to get started on building a very basic page related to the book alone and of course having links to the books online store location, but there has to be more I can do. The publisher also sends out a flyer to a hundred people whom I put on an address list.

So, what am I missing? Does anyone have any type of marketing experience or just simply a good idea or addition to things that I may be missing or just having a brain overload in which I can't seem to nail down a damn thing!

Walking Contradiction

I do not mean for this post to be taken offensive in any way. I actually found this list on a site and although I thoroughly agree with it I only hesistated to post it because of the fact that is normally only the self-righteous who go out of their way to "preach the word." So here, its not my word, but I agree with it completely.

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Are you warm or cold?

Well I meant to make a post about how many jobs Ive been through and how many idiots Ive seen since my last major post but for some reason the house Im sitting in is like 80 degrees and Im dying of heat exhaustion at the moment. I do wonder often about people and I think sometimes something this petty can even be a deal breaker or a strain in a relationship but.....

Are you cold natured or warm natured?

*FYI. If you need an explaination I mean basically are you ususally warm compared to most people in the same environment or are you the one thats always cold and shivering in average temperatures?*

I am a 70 degrees girl. If the house I am in can be 70 degrees winter or summer temp then I can happily exist.

Yawn

Sooo tired. Ive been through 2 jobs this month trying to find something that works out for me in all directions. I should have some internet time tomorrow to post, but for now, it took me the last few hours just reading and catching up on all Ive missed in the last few weeks. So I am going to celebrate my incoming slumber with a Miller. Then off to bed!

Ill be back to post tomorrow...er.. later today!

In 2005

In 2005 I learned quite a few things.

At the first of the year in 2005 I wrote a post about a couple of friends I had originally started using my web log for anyway. I began the year in a new mood, a mood that was determined to stop wasting time. Part of this post is also going to be quoted directly near the end of my book that I am patiently awaiting an edited version of.

Read the post here to understand more

At the end of the post itself I made a promise. Not a resolution and not an idea. I said at the end that this was my year to quit wasting time. I really had only the faintest of ideas of what that might entail. I knew I had been toying with the idea of making one major text file or word pad of my thoughts and blog post on the deaths of 3 young guys that I once knew and will always love. I never really considered anything beyond making the file for my own personal use. The hidden results of that post changed the world I had been living in for over 12 years. Someone emailed me a reply to that post and in the end what I got was well... it was an amazing fucking story full of death and pain and power and peace. It was a story of losing love and gaining a soul. From that one post a lot of things that had led me up to writing the personal file had all come to make sense. Suddenly in one quick moment I had much more meaning to my life. When people say things like 'I want to know why am I here?' and 'What lesson should I have learned from this?' they usually never gain a satisfactory answer to any of those questions. In that one single moment I got all those answers. Once I added the last part of the story to the real life autobiography the story became what I believe to be pretty gripping one. I am satisfied with 2005. I vowed to quit wasting time and I did.

I am starting to get more and more excited about this book about to be put into print. But as I anticipate any changes a nice selling book will bring to my life, I still stop and consider first that what is imporant is that it may change the life of someone else. I guess thats why I havent gotten any full blown insane excitement over the $$ prospect of it yet. I really just cant wait to see what the editor is hacking off of it!

My friend Jimmy!

I promised to post a few pix so here they go.

My friend Jimmy!! I was gonna put him on Ebay but I figured with so many hits per day someone here might want em. Hes gonna cost ya 50 bucks and shippin and handlin is on you!

http://static.flickr.com/41/85030944_f7b3939ce4_m.jpg

Oddly enough I have no pix of Jimmy without his finger in his nose.


My friends Cathy, or Janet from my book. Bobby and myself hiding back there behind Bobby (blobby as I like to call em)

http://static.flickr.com/41/85032843_e11a8f7a5d_m.jpg

Here is how Eddie sleeps. Eddie the fearless American Pit Bull Terrier!

http://static.flickr.com/38/85032023_a7cf2dd645_m.jpg


Here is my cousin Mickey. He is quite drunk at the time the photo was taken!

http://static.flickr.com/41/85032843_e11a8f7a5d_m.jpg

More later!!

Here is my son Mike. He agreed to let me put this picture of him and Eddie on my site!

http://static.flickr.com/40/85034233_40cb9df771_m.jpg

No Resolutions!

Im not really a resolution maker. I doubt I ever will be. But I have decided to grasp onto some new 'ideas' at the beginning of each year. There is no pressure this way. It's not that I can't handle pressure or stress, its almost as if I thrive on it. I've been really lucky in the brain and soul that I was born with, or learned or earned, but I just don't stress the things that I guess I should. More or less my brain and my heart war with each other internally about stuff. Sometimes its as if I can even cut that off, ignore the struggle and come back at a later date to find it resolved itself. I suppose that is why I have been referred to as 'unfeeling' or 'cold' by some people. I am never those things. Its just that I cant bring myself to lie to myself or to inflict my internal struggles onto other people. I really judge no one terminally. I've never felt that there isn't one single person I couldn't learn something from. I honor wisdom in others, and refuse to accept anyones ignorance and make it my own. I am firm in my beliefs and strong and solid in my opinions. Stupidity and bitterness disgust me. I'll never be the bitter old bitch who sits on her front porch and screeches at kids for 'walkin in my yard' or anything else so petty. I'll be more likely to be the 'crazy old lady' down the street who comes out and drinks a beer with the youngin's when they are partying in the streets like I do now. I will always love football and remain a dedicated Philly fan to the death of either myself or the game. I do not fear death though I don't neccesarily welcome it either. Life is a lot easier to enjoy if you dont go around thinking and worrying about which of your stupid, yet fun activities might kill you.

So three things I got ideas about doing this year and one I have already done at least once.

Wear my glasses more and give my eyeballs a break from the constant contact lense damage. A cut on your cornear hurts like a bitch and I dont want one of those in 2006.
Lose 20 damn pounds and keep it off. Seriously, I have gained 20 pounds since my last doctors visit and I am now at the unacceptable weight for my own personal taste and being able to eat is in danger soon.
Im taking a page from schaaps post about hitting up a park with a friend or two in the dark. Doing more things to keep my mind and soul as youthful as I am trying to keep my damn weight.

Then there is the book. I havent recieved the edited copy yet but I am very happily awaiting it!

Peace

Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer!

Plain and simple. I want to know your 3 favorite beers on earth. I dont care if they are energy beers, regular old beers, hippy beers, beer flavored beer or what the hell ever. This is a simple poll that I plan on using for information in the book I am writing so be honest! If you secretly like the beast or old mil then just say so! I want your top three so here are mine!

Tilt - A stronger 6.6% version of sparks energy beer. The shit really kicks!
Coors Light - I mean if I am just waltzing into the store to grab a 12 pack, the silver bullet has always been my old faithful.
Moosehead - Ok I started drinking these way back when I was too young to drink. But that was the day I learned to appreciate a fine Canadian brew!