Sunday, November 14, 2004

Wasting my time

Ok so it was an ominous premonition that I played this song over and over before I left for the day Friday. I was thinking of wasted time.

If in the last ten years I had back all the time I spent playing video games, what could I have done with that time? Gotten a degree? Maybe.

If I had all the time back that I spent on EQ?

If I had all the time back that I spent on wasted efforts towards friends or lovers that didnt earn those efforts?

Wow, thats a lot of time. Problem is, Ill never, or at least I hope I never stop playing video games. I want to be the granny on the block that can beat the holy crap out of any teenager on the block in Mortal Kombat or Madden 2k5.

Cant go back and take myself away from EQ, and for what its worth, it served much purpose and did its job for me for years.

The third one I decided was the only one I could change. So I set out to do so. I decided to demand a higher respect from the friendships I have. I decided that anyone I thought to label friend would meet and match the expectations of the very few other people I had used to describe that word in the past.

Then something ugly happened. A friend was too passive to take up for me, or stand up for our safety and rights to another friend who was careless with us, our well being and safety. I got angry that I was the only person there with balls enough to stand up and set the situation straight. I dont mind being the bitch. I dont even mind if she thinks I did it for the wrong reasons. The fact is I only give respect to those who I see deserve it, so when I do, I give it openly, but I do expect it in return.

A friend is a person who defends you, even when you may be wrong.

I believe I lost a good friend. When he calls me on Monday or Tuesday he will ask me if I am angry with him. I will either say yes outright, or ask him if HE thinks I have any reason to be. He knows I do. I seen it in his eyes when I left. He also knows Im not the type for do'overs, or to deal with being disrespected when it comes to the people I surround myself with. Im sure he thinks Ill never hang out with him again. So as of Monday when he calls, maybe tuesday. But I DO know he will call this week. When given the option of "Yes I am angry, now would you like to know why?" That will decide the outcome of this friendship. If he doesnt care enough to know, then I dont care enough to waste one more second on a friendship that is as needed in my life as 19 extra arms coming out of my nostrils.

Useless.



4 comments:

Azathoth said...

Funny that we posted similar things at almost the same time. Unfortunatly I have a tendency to forgive too easily when it's someone I care about and have let people use me and hurt me then allow them back into my life with just a phone call. Also I end up feeling that I've done something wrong once a friendship has ended. Hopefully you are stronger than that because some people are truly not worth knowing. I just wish I didn't know so many of them.

Dan said...

Tis a good song... i enjoy it.


Tis also i really have to say. I know exactly how you feel :)

BM, The Necessary Movement said...

I hear you about the 19 extra arms coming out of my nostrils.

Bookend said...

I agree that looking at efforts gone un noticed "feels" like wasted time...but let's not forget the lessons learned within that wasted time...

While playing video games, I renew my love for the wonderful man in my life...as I whoop his ass at Moon Patrol and try and try again to master Nascar 2005..

While wasting efforts on relationships, I learned how to define the term friend, and learned how to stand up for myself, each time I was faced with a new situation...

Try to see it as time well spent...

I do agree fully with the higher demands of people in our lives with the title "friend"...Respect for each other comes when respecting oneself..as it appears you have wasted no time doing that...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with the world...