The Ugly Truth

Ok, Im sure this is going to sound completely freakish to most normal redblooded american males but here goes.
I like cartoons, pretty much just the twisted acid influenced ones. Spongebob, Sealab, Family guy, Futurama, Venture Brothers. Those are my fav's.
I like to get a good drunk on from time to time. I dont get mean. I get nice, and sweetly honest instead of the usual sober brutal honesty.
I like burbon... Crown Royal and Beam likely the top two. And I love a bottle of Captain Morgans rum from time to time. A whole fifth can last me from 1 night to a month. Depends on my mood.
I enjoy drinking some beers, Coors light the fav, but can even guzzle on some Miller High Life or Busch on a Sunday afternoon hoping my Phillys keep kickin ass this year because they dont get to do that much.
I like porn. Sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes I raise hell about how hard the men on them are to look at. Ron Jeremy, ew... wtf someone explain that one and Ill give you a dollar. And yea, sometimes it turns me on too.
I dont get insecure. Well of course I have days where I feel like I have to fall out of the ugly tree just to get outside, but I dont put that burden on others around me. Somedays I enjoy the way I look and then I do reflect that to people around me.
I dont tell anyone what to do. I am a control freak only to myself. And I dont do a hell of a great job at that either. But thats just me.
I encourage my mate to go out with his friends. Even if it means going with the boys on a week long trip. I dont worry about what they are going to do. This refers back to the realization of control issue. I dont believe you CAN control another human beings actions. You can suggest, and hope, but under no circumstance can you make another person want to not do something they have in mind or in their heart. This is free will. I wont accept someone trying to take mine either.
I dont whine. Im almost under-emotional in comparison to a lot of women who dramatize their personal pain or issues aloud.
I love video games. Rpgs, RTS and Sims being my favorite. But I also enjoy football, mortal kombat and other kick ass games where you just get to beat the shit out of each other. Im damn good at them all.
Im a 'dont ask if you dont want to know kind of girl'. Dont ask me a question that you dont want the answer to or if its going to cause you to run your mouth at me later. I dont do that to anyone. A good example is probably, How many people were you with before me? Well, moron, no matter the number its going to cause mouth leakage. So just dont push your insecurities at me. That will push me away and fast.
I like all music pretty much. Not country, but if you are a decent person Id even deal with it with a shut mouth (Mostly) for your sake. So dont tell me you are going to jump out of my car if I dont turn off my devil music. At least wait until I pull over. Circa: Jim Davis 1991. 2 year relationship ended when he told me while driving down the road. Its Danzig or me. I let him out, never spoke to him again.
I require very little affection and attention. Of course I'll take all I can get, but I dont HAVE to have it. I dont make my man hold my hand or proclaim ownership when suddenly surrounded by overzealous slutty women. Again, this is where free will comes in. If he wants them, he wont have me.
I am self entertaining. Give me a book and I'll be out of your hair for hours. 300 pages would give you about 6 hours of Joy-less time. Give me a video game and you just earned yourself days of it.
I am one of the guys. There is nothing that can be said that would offend me. Believe me, all my guy friends sit around talking about their exploits right in front of me without a second thought.
I appreciate everything. From someone sharing half a pizza with me, to just some old pervert buying me a beer in a bar. And I say so whenever I can.
I'm not catty. If a chick is around me hitting on my man, I let him take care of it mostly. If outright challenged, well, Ill just break out crazy bitch and they seem to run away fast enough. A glare followed by a devious smile works wonders.
I never cause public humiliation or attention. If I was out with a date or even a friend who did something horrific to me in public. Id do the glare and smile thing, until we got home. Then out comes crazy bitch until Ive spoken my piece. And then its over and done.
And most of all, I do not suffer from jealousy. Believe me when I say that people have tried to inspire it in me. I just dont have that piece of brain that makes you feel that perhaps. Or maybe it goes back to the free will thing. Sure, Ive seen a rich lady driving a Jag and thought 'damn, I wish I had that'. But Ive never felt that green with envy shit.

Now here is the freakish part. Some guys would read this and go "Hey! Thats my kind of girl." And perhaps I would be, as a friend. As a lover though, these same things tend to be the reasons my relationships fail. Suddenly the cool chick you hung out with and watched porn with is a pervert for doing that same thing. The chick who could hang with the guys as just another guy just HAS to be a whore to have so many male friends that love her. The music, video games and cartoons are a sign if immaturity. Not needing affection suddenly becomes a sign of how I must be getting it elsewhere. The lack of jealousy or attempting to control becomes the #1 reason why I must be coldhearted and uncaring.

It doesnt make any damn sense anymore. Im convinced there is not a male out there who can handle me from day 1 that the friendship turns into more. I dont mean that in a bragging sort of way, because thats another thing I never do. Friends admire, respect and appreciate what I am. Lovers hate, and get jealous over what I must be doing wrong when they arent looking. You know the old saying, if you get accused of something for long enough, you might as well just do it. Well, Im tired of living that way too.